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His gentle voice calms my raging spirit and I wonder how he reads my mind so well. He always has, and he once told me it was like reading an open book when he stared into my eyes, and I guess that’s the truth. He always did know what I was thinking and so I smile bravely as Hope stirs in my arms. “I think she’s hungry.”
The panic on Jonny’s face almost makes me laugh and I say shyly, “It’s ok, I have everything I need provided by Mother Nature, except privacy perhaps.”
The realization dawns in his eyes and he makes to move and, reaching out, I place my hand on his arm and say shyly, “Stay. I won’t mind. Unless you’d rather not, that is.”
Once again, I’m nervous because despite the small human between us that we created, Jonny is still a stranger to me now. The yearning in his eyes undoes me a little as he nods and smiles, striking me like a dart in the heart. He always was the most handsome boy in Heaven, and I could deny him nothing but when Jonny gazes at me like he is now, I would tear out my heart and offer it to him every single time because he always did have the ability to take my breath away.
The fact we’re alone up here, the other men some distance behind, makes this easy and as I pull Hope to my breast, I love the bond that always brings with it. I feel a little self-conscious with Jonny beside me, but I don’t want to deny him any of the experiences a young baby brings.
“Does it hurt?”
He sounds concerned and I laugh softly, “It hurts knowing that one day soon I won’t be enough for her. That she will need something more than I can give her.”
He watches in fascination as she feeds and I whisper, “I want to be the best mother I can be. I want to give her everything I ever wished for, along with her own. I want to be her wish fairy and raise her to be strong and brave. Like her father.”
His eyes leave Hope and stare deep into mine, and what I see in them makes my breath hitch. There he is, the man I fell in love with, desperately trying to disguise the boy he once was. To be a man, to be a warrior, but floundering as he tries to adjust to being a father.
“Like her mother.” He reassures me and I say a little sadly. “I don’t feel strong right now.”
I peer at the ridiculous dress I’m traveling in and sigh. “What will they think when I roll up in this monstrosity? It’s as if I’m wearing sackcloth and ashes and what must I look like.”
I gingerly touch the still throbbing bruises on my face and Jonny leans closer and whispers, “You have never looked more beautiful to me.”
“Have you got shit in your eyes?” I make a joke to break the intensity of the moment because I am shy about dealing with it. It’s one thing remembering what it was like lying with Jonny, but another thing entirely knowing that he will probably expect me to pick up where we left off.
I want him, hell I crave him. So much it hurts, but I’m nervous. What if I’m no longer good enough? He must have slept with countless women since I ran away. I wouldn’t blame him; Idon’tblame him. Why would he settle for a naive girl from Heaven when he has grown up and sampled much better than me?
“The only woman I have ever had standing behind my eyes is you, Faith.”
He says it simply and directly and it stuns me a little. He leans forward and whispers, “I don’t want to scare you darlin’, but I am trying real hard to be a gentleman here. To do the right thing and not to scare you off again. Something happened back in time to cause you to fear me, and I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. I want to kiss you so badly, to wrap you in my arms and hold on tight. To love you, to make you love me, but something is telling me you’re not ready for that. So, I’ll wait until you are and if you never are, I will accept your wishes, knowing I have failed in securing the only person I have ever loved. You.”
“Kiss me, Jonny.”
My eyes flash with a determination I never really knew was there because right now, in this moment, that is the only thing I want from life.
As his lips press gently over mine, a huge wave of relief hits me hard. There he is, there’s my man and suddenly the future doesn’t seem so frightening anymore.
As kisses go it’s more of a promise. A soft, sensual promise of what will happen when the dust settles. It reassures my mind and fills my heart and I suppose I’ve always known that with Jonny beside me, I am invincible.
CHAPTER26
JONNY
Iam trying so hard to tread carefully with Faith, but it’s an impossible task. Not when she scrambles my mind and plays with my emotions. I have tried so hard to get over her and yet one glimpse was all it took to bring me right back where I started.
Now I must keep her and I’m not sure she will allow that to happen, so what happens next will be the making or breaking of my family.
If she runs again, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to chase her. My pride got in the way the first time, but how many times can a man try before admitting defeat?
As the guys exit the aircraft, I know she is nervous and, as Ryder stops by on his way, he stares at her with concern.
“You ok, darlin’?” His husky drawl is strangely caring, and she smiles tightly, looking anything but ok.
“I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” She says politely, and he smiles as he nods. “One of the guys has brought a car to take you all home. There will be a car seat in the back, and you will find everything you need waiting at the house we’ve stamped your name on.”
“A house.” Faith’s eyes are wide because I doubt she expected that, and Ryder nods. “The families live in houses we build out the back of the compound. You will find many women eager to make friends and tons of kids who can’t wait to welcome a new one.”
“You make it sound so…” She falters and blushes as I add, “Normal?” Ryder grins as she nods, a little embarrassed.
