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Fuck, writing this letter sucks, but I imagine it’s not as hard as you reading it. Please don’t hold on to your anger towards me for not telling you. Please understand that I was protecting you. I love you so damn much, and it feels like, no matter how long this letter is, my words will never be enough. Just know that you are my world, and I would’ve given anything to still be here with you and our babies. And when you’re feeling alone, read this letter and look at our photos to remind yourself of the incredible love we once shared. As long as you hold a piece of me in your heart, I will always live on, just as I will live on through the beautiful babies that our love created.
I love you, Bree.
-Pete
CHAPTER ONE
AUBREE
Four And a Half Years Later
“You are going to have the most amazing time!” I pull my son into my arms and hug him tightly, hating that for the first time, he and his sister will be away from me for most of the summer, and not just for the night. “I love you and I’m going to miss you like crazy.”
“Mom, I love you, and I’ll miss you too, but you’re going to hug me to death.” Miles chokes his words through a laugh that sends my heart soaring. Nothing is better than the sound of my children laughing, especially when you’ve lost as many loved ones as I have. Every smile, every laugh, every moment feels like a precious gift—one that can be taken at any moment.
I mentally shake myself, refusing to go there.
“Sorry,” I say, loosening my hold on Miles. “Be good for Grammy and Papa, okay?”
“I will,” he says with an eye roll that makes him appear more like a teenager than the almost nine-year-old he is.
“If you need anything, call me,” I say to Evie next, who nods in understanding. “I love you more than red velvet cupcakes,” I tell my baby girl, pulling her into a hug that damn near rivals the one I just gave Miles.
She giggles, hugging me back. “I love you more than chocolate fudge brownies.”
Reluctantly, I let her go and take a deep breath, knowing they’re in good hands with my in-laws, Beatrice and Stephen. They have a vacation home in Florida where they’ll be spending the summer, and this year, since it’s the first summer since my grandmother passed away, they’ve offered to take the kids with them so they won’t be bored at the coffeehouse.
I told them I could put them in camp—although it would be tight moneywise—but the kids really wanted to go to Florida, and as much as I hate the thought of not seeing them for such a long time, I couldn’t say no. Not when they were beyond excited. I can’t really blame them since their grandparents’ vacation home is directly on the beach. They also have a pool and hot tub, and they’ll be spending a lot of time sailing everywhere aboard their yacht. Beatrice also told them that if, at any time, they feel homesick, she would bring them right back home to me.
“Thank you for taking them,” I tell Beatrice, now giving her a hug.
“You don’t have to thank me for spending time with my grandbabies,” she says. “Enjoy the bit of time to yourself,” she murmurs. “Take a bath, read a book, go out with Lacey, have fun… Get laid.”
She winks, and I choke out a watery laugh at her last demand—at the fact that my sixty-five-year-old mother-in-law is telling me to have sex, and it’s not the first time she’s suggested it.
“I’ll definitely take a bath and read a book,” I tell her pointedly.
She sighs, knowing the getting laid part isn’t going to happen, despite her suggesting it every time we talk. I get she wants me to honor Pete’s wishes and move forward, the way she finally did after her husband passed away, but it took her twenty years… It hasn’t even been five years since Peter passed away. It’s not that I don’t ever plan to move forward with my life, but I’m just not ready yet.
With one last hug to the four of them, they get into the town car and take off for their summer adventure, leaving me standing here, wondering what the hell I’m going to do without my babies all summer long.
“You okay?” Lacey, my best friend, asks, wrapping her arm around me for a side hug as we watch my entire world drive away.
“When did they grow up?” I choke out, feeling like my heart’s in the car with my kids. “Only yesterday they were just learning to walk and talk, and now they’re leaving me for the entire summer like it’s no big deal.”
“They’ll have a blast,” she reminds me. “And they’ll always be your babies. But they are growing up, and it’s okay to give them some room to grow and experience.”
