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“So, what are you doing right now?”
“I’m standing in front of the exit.”
“Why does she want to leave?” I ask.
“I’m not sure, sir.”
“Put her on the phone.”
Christopher’s voice gets quiet. “Ma’am… Jane, Luke would like to speak with you.”
“R-really?”
The hesitation in her voice convinces me I’m the biggest dirtbag who’s ever lived. I’ve spanked this woman, unloaded myself on her body, tasted her, brought her to the edge, and shared stuff I’ve never dreamed of cracking open, and she’s suspicious I want to speak with her. I’ve messed up.
“Yes,” Christopher says. “Will you talk with him?”
“Uh… yeah. Okay.”
Christopher hands her the phone, and I promise myself. Time to be respectful, at least a bit. Time to turn off beast mode… if I can.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Jane
I take the phone to the seating area, breathing fast after the argument with Christopher. Maybe calling it an argument is a little skewed since it was so one-sided—just me demanding that he let me out and Christopher standing there, repeating ma’am over and over.
I don’t speak first, which is probably an insanely petty thing to do, but the more I stewed on what happened between us, the angrier I became. At myself more than anything. This crush is going to kill me.
“Jane?” Luke says.
“I’m here.”
“What’s going on?”
More anger rises inside of me. I try to bite down on it for a moment and push it deep into my belly, but then it erupts out of me.
“What’s going on is you made me feel like the biggest jackass who’s ever lived, and I get it. It’s not fair. I hate that I’m even saying this after you shared about your dad… but I can’t stay here.”
“I was rude,” he says firmly. “I owe you an apology. I am sorry, Jane. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. It wasn’t fair.”
I let out a slow breath. “No, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this after what you share—”
“I could’ve told you anything, and you wouldn’t have deserved to be treated like that, especially after I went beast mode.”
My body tingles at the words, especially when his voice grows husky.
“But you don’t have to leave,” he goes on. “You’ve got nowhere to go, have you?”
“No,” I admit.
“So, what was your plan?”
“I don’t know,” I snap. “To get out of here. To not burden you, your finances, and just… just you. I saw the way you looked at me when you left. It was like you hated me.”
“No,” he growls. “I could never hate you. Don’t even let that thought into your head. A world where I hate you doesn’t exist. Is that the only reason?”
I’m glad we’re only speaking over the phone. He can’t see the way I flinch, my nerves tightening.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just… Don’t worry about it.”
“You’ve said it now, so I can’t not worry.”
“It’s not an overreaction,” he says, “but throwing away a free apartment and all the time to program you want… It’s a chance most young programmers would leap at even if their grumpy benefactor acted like a complete asshole.”
I shift in my seat. He’s hit the nail way too squarely on the head. He’s slammed into the nail.
“It’s not a big deal,” I murmur.
“Clearly, it is.”
I close my eyes for a moment. If nothing else was going to end this romance, this will.
“It would be less painful for me,” I whisper.
“To be on the street at the mercy of the Russians? I don’t understand.”
“Okay, then imagine this,” I say. “You’ve spent years crushing on somebody. Years dreaming about what it would be like to meet them, kiss them, and be with them…”
Warning sirens scream in my thoughts, demanding that I stop and shut the hell up before it’s too late, but it’s already too late.
“And then you finally meet that person, and everything is great. It’s so great you’re pinching yourself constantly because you don’t think it’s real, and then he leaves you, and you know it’s going to hurt like hell being this close to him, but knowing your crush is just a silly, childish thing.”
“Something tells me we’re not speaking generally here.”
“Wow, you really are smart,” I say sarcastically.
He laughs, and I find myself smiling with him.
“I didn’t know you had a crush,” he says.
“Well, I do. I have for years.”
He doesn’t speak for a moment, leaving me to wonder if he will hang up the phone or say something cruel. I don’t expect that from Luke, but my instincts won’t stop. I’ve gone too far. I’ve put myself out there way too much. I’m at his mercy now. Maybe that’s why I’m the one to shatter the silence.
“But like I said,” I go on, “it was a silly, childish crush. It’s not a big deal. If we’re going to be hot and cold, I think I’d prefer…”
I trail off, groaning.
