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"But I can't." Her words send a pain shooting through my heart, twisting the dagger in the pit of my stomach.
"If it's about my dad, we can get rid of him. I've been working with Finn to resolve that issue, anyway. We are getting close to a solution," I rush out, reaching toward her again in hopes that she will let me touch her hands. With a simple shake of her head, she clasps her hands together on her lap. Only our breathing could be heard in the room, our hearts beating loudly for one another but failing to connect due to our brains' own demise.
"It's not that. I mean, it is, but there's other factors," Natalia croaks out, looking down at her hands. “Until I kill your father, I can’t come back home.” Crossing her legs and pulling a cover over her, she looks more put together than mere seconds ago when her voice wavered. She held no remorse in her tone when declaring my father dead. “Even then, will you be able to look at me the same? He’s your father, and I fully intend on killing him. When I finally take my retribution, will you even be able to see anything other than a murderer? I already failed to protect our child, but I won’t fail to protect more lives. I refuse to allow that guilt to eat at me anymore, but you aren’t going to view me the same. Will you ever be able to look at me like your childhood friend? Your first love? Could you look at me without wanting to take your own revenge?”
Tilting my head side to side, I mull over her words for a moment, allowing the silence to stretch between us. When I look at her, her face looks distraught. The strong woman I knew nine months ago is long gone. This woman is vulnerable and soft, nothing close to weak. She’s the strongest woman I know, enduring some of the hardest times on her own.
“Natalia,” I insist, reaching for her hand once more. The tears that she had been fighting finally fall, the walls in her eyes finally cracking again. “My father… he deserves to die. He deserves to be tortured within an inch of his life, and you deserve to have the honor of watching that life fade from his eyes. He killed yourentirefamily. You are owed that vengeance, you deserve the right to do what you need to do in order to make yourself right again. He’s not innocent in this, I understand that. He made his bed, now it is his time to sleep in it.”
“That he did,” she murmurs, wiping her eyes with the blanket. “Emotions will be running high. We will see what happens when the dust settles.” She squeezes my hand gently. Her eyes meet mine from under her lashes, showing a glimpse of the woman I used to know.
Leaning over, I kiss her cheek. The gesture causes a blush to appear on her beautiful face. “Consideration is all I ask for right now. All I want is for you to come home. I’m simply asking for you to think about it.”
Natalia gives me a slight nod and goes to stand. As soon as she’s on her feet, she sways slightly, almost falling. Jumping up, I’m on my feet in an instant, catching her before she falls. “You should be more careful,mo ghrá.You’ll end up getting yourself hurt.”
She places her hand on my chest and looks up at me, her blue eyes meeting mine. My breath catches in my throat as she slides her hand up, placing it on the back of my neck. In the next second, she pulls me down to her and our lips meet.
It’s been nine long months since I’ve tasted these intoxicating kisses. I’m not about to let the moment pass by without showing her just how much I’ve missed this. How much I’ve missed us. My hand moves to the small of her back, firmly holding her against me. The other slides up and tangles in her hair as I deepen the kiss, putting more pressure behind her head to keep her in place. She releases a throaty moan, her lips moving in sync with mine. My own groan escapes me as I feel her grind her stomach against my hardening cock. The possessiveness in my touch causes me to yank her head back gently by her hair, opening her up for me more. She whimpers softly, gripping my shoulders tightly. Feeling myself get light headed, I know we have to stop. It doesn’t help that she still has alcohol in her system.
When I force us to come up for air, I rest my forehead against hers. “God, I have missed you so fucking much,” I whisper and close my eyes. My hand slides from her hair to her waist, gripping her hips tightly.
“Will you stay with me… just until tomorrow?” She asks, and I don’t hesitate to agree.
“Let’s get some food in you, okay? You’ve had a lot to drink, and I’m sure you haven’t eaten much.” I take her over to the kitchen, pondering in my head what we might have to eat here. Opening the freezer, I scan the contents. Landing on her favorite, I look over my shoulder at her. “Do you want some frozen waffles?” I ask with a raised brow
“When have I ever turned those down?” She asks as the sound of a chair scraping across the floor echoes throughout the kitchen. I swear I can hear the eyeroll in her statement.
Chuckling, I grab the waffles and head over to the toaster. While waiting for them to finish, I turn to face her. “So… what have you been doing these last nine months?” I question as I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the counter. Raising an eyebrow of her own, she leans her elbows against the table, holding her head in her hands.
“Oh… you know. Hiding from you and your bloodhound,” she brags, giving me a smirk. “Mainly, I was just trying to survive. I lost everything in such a short period of time. My parents, my husband, my baby… I was trying to do what I could to stay upright, heart beating. I was trying not to remind myself that I lost my baby and my husband. That my parents weren’t just murdered.”
At the mention of the baby, my eyes drop to the floor. “Ourbaby,” I remind her pointedly. “You also didn’t lose me.” I turn my attention back to the waffles as they pop up, I try my hardest not to get emotional about a fetus I will never know. After preparing them just how she likes them, loaded with butter and syrup, I carry the plate over to her, setting it on the table. Dmitri and I used to joke about how she was going to put herself into a sugar coma one day with as much syrup she put on them. If only he could be here now.
“Declan, imagine if the roles were reversed. If I knew that my dad was responsible for kidnapping you and killing your brother… you’re telling me you wouldn’t be upset with me? You’d just… be okay with it? That’s life?” She stabs a piece of her waffle with her fork, her eyes boring into mine. I do my best to keep contact with her, but fail when I see how dead set she is on an answer.
Debating my next words, I sigh. She’s right. I can’t tell her that I wouldn’t be upset because I truly wouldn’t know unless I was in the situation. “You make a good point,” I mumble, sitting down with my own plate. If the roles were reversed, who knows what I would have done. I may have done worse than she did. I know that she deserves her retribution, but I don’t know how I would react.
“Can we just pretend everything is okay for the next twenty-four hours?” She asks softly after taking a bite of her waffle.
"I would like that…" I reply, reaching for her hand. Squeezing it gently, I bring it to my lips and press a soft kiss against her smooth skin.
Chapter thirteen
Natalia
OnceIfinisheating,I excuse myself to my room to take a shower. Instead of hiding away in the shower like I usually would, I find myself hurrying through the process. After drying off, I throw on a pair of shorts and a tank top, quickly pulling my wet locks up in a bun on top of my head. Glancing in the mirror one last time, I smile at my reflection just a little. I’m feeling a lot more like myself.
Last night really drove home that Declan is my safe place. He’s sitting on the couch scrolling through the channels on the TV, looking completely relaxed. He’s still not wearing a shirt, but damn those gray sweatpants. Gazing at his bare chest, I feel myself getting just a little bit wet. The man hasn’t changed much in the last nine months, maybe toned out just a bit. His arms bulge even while he is resting, and the saliva in my mouth tries to escape at the sight. As much as I try to fight the fact that I’m mad at him, I have to push those feelings down. We can pretend everything is okay for the next twenty-four hours.I have to pretend that I’m okay.
Taking the spot beside him, I pull my legs up onto the couch and let out a gentle sigh.
“Are you okay?” He asks, glancing over at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I feel much better after my shower,” I answer, giving him a small smile.
He hesitates, looking between my eyes before he takes the plunge, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into him. My body instantly reacts to his touch, shooting tingles to unnamed places in my pelvis as his hand brushes against my skin. My first reaction is to melt into his caress, but my brain won’t shut off long enough for me to relax. Clearing my throat, I stiffly turn my attention to the TV.
We sit in uncomfortable silence until the next commercial break, when he finally turns to me. His hand raises to cup my cheek, his calloused thumb tenderly stroking my skin. His bright blues flicker down to my lips before they find my own set of orbs once again. Blue clashing blue, the dominance in his gaze is barely restrained. Like two oceans meeting, they try to overwhelm the other for superiority, battling for the upper hand. My eyes hold his stare, bringing forward feelings that I know we are both trying to keep at bay. The contact threatens to swallow us whole like the sea, but we both stay afloat with comfort in the other.
