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Zach holds out his hands, one to me and the other to his date. “Let’s just backtrack for a minute. Baby, you’re off limits. Bear, you’re on Miss Jet Black over there. Go, do your thing.”
“Not interested,” I shake my head. “You know she’s not my type.”
“What’s your type?” Zach asks, getting more worked up the longer I drag this out. “Maybe now’s the time you try some variety. Get someone the total opposite to screw your head straight.”
I look over and give the woman a second consideration. She has a great body - nice ass, like Zach said - and she’s beautiful, too. Not too much make-up and big eyes shadowed with cat-like liner. But I’m looking at her and… nothing. Nothing happens inside of me that makes me want to get up and go over to her. I don’t feel that thing I usually do, that urge that tells me I can’t go another minute without knowing what she tastes like. That’s always been the gauge I use when chasing my women, and I just haven’t been feeling it. Not with her, not with anyone who isn’t-
“Holy shit…” Zach falls back in his seat and looks at me, jaw dropped. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“First of all, you’re never right,” I say with a laugh. “Secondly, what do you think you’re right about?”
He doesn’t answer me, but whips out his phone instead and starts typing furiously. I have a feeling this is a broadcast text message to the rest of the guys, and I don’t need to ask what it’s about.
Because, yeah, he’s right. I haven’t been able to admit it because of what that means for me, for my life. Am I really feeling something deeper than surface level attraction for one person and one person only? Could it be someone like Cara, who has been able to meet me and challenge me in everything I throw at her?
“They’re on their way,” Zach says, placing his phone on the table between us. He winks at his girl, who’s still fawning over him despite her earlier interest in me. “I’ll let you simmer in it until then.”
I shake my head with a chuckle. “There’s nothing to simmer in. You’re crazy.”
But even I’m not really convinced anymore, and he knows it.
“I may be crazy, but what’s more crazy is you wanting to move an entire movie shoot from New York just so you can keep seeing a girl,” he says. “That’s what’s really crazy, man. And I don’t care how you try to spin it-”
“I’m not spinning anything,” I argue. “I’m just being a spoiled asshole who wants to get his way no matter how much it costs. Doesn’t that sound like me?”
My question means more than Zach knows. I want him to confirm it for me - that I’m still the same person I’ve always been. Because then I’ll know that it isn’t true, that I’m not falling in love with Cara Elizabeth Ford.
Then she can go to New York, for all I care. I won’t need to see her all the time, I won’t care who she ends up dating, and I most certainly won’t miss her while she’s away.
23
Cara
Zoey didn’t want me at the theater on my day off from filming, but I need the distraction. She could tell by my mood that there’d be no dissuading me. I didn’t have to get into the details of the dinner for her to pick up that it didn’t exactly go swimmingly.
“Are you back for good?” one of the boys asks me as I gather them in a circle with myself at the center.
“I wish, honey,” I reply. “But you’ll see me whenever I have an off day, okay? Is that a deal?”
He nods happily and we dive right into our acting drills. I run them through the vocal warm-ups and when we get into feeling our bodies, that’s when I sink in. I still can’t believe Edward and the way he lost it about New York. He’s made it seem as though he supports me and my career, like he wants me to do well.
“You want to know the best way to really feel what emotions do to your body?” I turn on the spot, looking each of the kids in the eye.
Elise is there, hanging onto my every word. Her hand shoots up. “Think of a bad feeling?”
“Nice,” I snap my fingers at her. “Negative emotions are the best way for us to feel how our bodies react physically because they’re the ones that usually have the biggest explosions, right? Think about when you’re mad, or sad, or frustrated… What happens?”
There’s a collective murmur as kids throw their answers into the ring: kick things, scream, hit things.
“Okay, good,” I say, once we’ve got a nice list going. “So what we’re going to do today is cycle through each of those reactions. Yelling out loud until our bones shake, punching and kicking the air until we fall down tired. Got it?”
Inviting a bunch of kids to chaos is probably not the best idea but it’s the best way for me to work through the jumble of emotions wreaking havoc inside of me. They dive in head first, the stage resounding with ear-splitting screams. I join them, the veins in my neck protruding with the intensity of my scream. Seeing this other side to Edward was unexpected. It’s so difficult to think he’s the one ruining what should be the most exciting time of my life.
Pounding my fists onto my thighs for added effect, I pause only as I need to breathe and then go straight back to screaming into the rafters. Not that I should care about what he thinks. It’s not like we’re together, or anything. No, that would require him to change his whole personality and give up his valuable playboy reputation. My blood begins to boil and I scream even louder.
“Cara!”
I’m out of breath and sweating when I turn to Zoey, who’s appeared on stage. She, along with every one of the kids, is looking at me in alarm. I hadn’t noticed that they’d all grown quiet in the wake of my tantrum.
