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“Why’d they split up? He never mentioned her,” I say, trying my best to sound cool about it.
“Something about his trip to Asia that he never told her about. She doesn’t want a long-distance relationship. I think he was hoping she’d go with him, but no. ’Fraid not.”
“Oh dear,” I comment, “can’t have been together long?”
“Four months, according to rumour,” Sass adds.
“Theo never mentioned Paul had a girlfriend. Weird.” I would’ve thought Theo would have mentioned that – if only to point out that Paul has never had a relationship before, and doesn’t seem to be the type who’ll ever settle down.
“Yeah, he was keeping it on the downlow, but hubs and I bumped into them in town one night. He was looking real sheepish. Maybe she’d just got out of a relationship or she’s a divorcee or something. Otherwise, I don’t think he wants us knowing his business. He’s always been cagey about the women he dates.”
Yeah, and now I know why. And here’s a theory:
He’s planning to marry me once he’s sown his wild oats. He wants to keep the sure thing dangling – that’s me – but before that, he’ll take what he can until then.
Unfortunately, that’s not real love.
Real love is what’s on the dancefloor – Adam and Susan, having made a pledge with no politics, no falseness… no hidden motives, just commitment and desire to be with only one another. They’re young but they’re not hanging about. My mum and dad were married at twenty-one and twenty-three – and thirty years later, are still together. It is possible and does happen.
“What was she like?” I muse. “I mean, it’s always been weird with him. He’s never had a proper relationship. Makes you wonder why.”
“She was a total fug fest,” Marie says. “Not pretty. Not like us,” she chortles, “but kind of, I don’t know, alright if you only want a couple of holes. Or three.”
“Uh, gross,” says Sass. “And I always thought he had the hots for you, Lil. Maybe I was wrong.”
I try my best to appear indifferent and to stop the rash creeping any further up my face. “Weird, yeah. When I was going through all that crap with Ian, Paul was always trying to get in touch, but after it ended, he just went away. Bizarre.”
“Yeah, he’s a mystery that one,” Marie agrees. “Wouldn’t read anything into it. Just let him get on with it. At least with my Adrian, I know where I am. He’s not big on romance or anything but he’s steady and there’s none of that messing about. Plus, he’s a good dad, that’s all that matters.”
Sass and I look at one another and share the same thought. That’s good and all, but while you’re young, isn’t it nice to enjoy a bit of back and forth, a bit of mystery and drama, while you can? I’d rather stay single than be with someone boring and let the sex stagnate. When it was good between me and Ian, it was great. He was good at romance. Like I said, dinners out… trips to the theatre, ballet… city breaks. He even used to run me baths, a long time ago, cover the surface in rose petals and then lick me until I screamed afterward. He always enjoyed it more if I was freshly washed. I miss all that, but it’s a pity that behind the romance and sex, there wasn’t much we agreed on. He was a staunch socialist almost to the point of communism, whereas my beliefs are more in the middle ground. I also don’t like to linger on the past and firmly believe in people making their own way in life. I think it’s necessary to maintain a certain degree of pacifism when it comes to other people’s beliefs, especially close friends and family, but Ian was always one to try and smash his opinions down other people’s throats. Anyway…
Adrian returns from having had a long chat with one of Adam’s uncles, his arms around Marie from behind, whispering in her ear. Before long they’re making shapes on the dancefloor I’ve never seen before.
Once it’s just me and Sass, she turns to me and says, “If I marry before I’m thirty, kill me.”
I laugh at her. She cracks me up with her cynicism. “Yeah, but Susan’s pretty damn hot. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.”
“Yeah, well, who wouldn’t want a Susan? I’m talking about Marie and Mr Fugly. God, he’s boring. If that’s what we have to settle for to keep them committed?”
I frown and shake my head at her. “What do you mean, exactly?”
“Well, take Paul, for instance, seeing as though we’ve just been on about him. He’s good-looking, intelligent, funny. He’s not going to settle down, is he? Not when he knows he can keep getting it whenever, wherever. Why would he? Yeah, Adam’s alright looking and all but I wouldn’t sleep with him. Would you?”
I give her a funny face. “No, he’s with Susan.”
She laughs haughtily. “Oh, you know what I mean. Susan’s with him cos he’s safe. Some girls want safe. I can understand that. But safe… it bores me. To tears. I couldn’t ever date a nerd, I don’t think. I mean, I really don’t know if I’ll ever marry, I’m so picky.”
I throw back a large mouthful of wine. “I wonder if that’s why I stayed with Ian for so long. The sex in the beginning was crazy. Wild. But what is it that they say? Crazy people are amazing to fuck, but after that, run away. Far away.”
Sass falls forward, shoulders shaking with laughter. “I think yeah. I think defo. You were waiting to get that back, but it didn’t happen.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “I mean, we once were at a barbecue and he fucked me in the garden shed of our hosts. It was so brazen. He didn’t even try to hide what he’d been doing to me.”
Sass covers her eyes, probably dealing with a number of images in her head. “Yeah, I saw the appeal, believe me, it was also quite obvious he had a massive prick.”
“Yeah.”
“But he was a cock. He was fucking you like that in public places to stake his claim on you because he couldn’t do it any other way. You saw through him and he knew it. That’s why you and he drifted…”
