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I pushed my nose into his chest. “Exactly.”
Then lifting my face close to his, we shared salty kisses that time, his face damp with anguish, probably a few tears, and also some sweaty desire, too.
His tongue raged inside my mouth, needing to taste, to dominate, but also, to lose himself. I let him grab my rear, my back, his fierce hands everywhere.
It was still us. He still wanted me badly. He knew every single secret, but loved me anyway, still saw me for the broken woman I was—but desired me this much nonetheless.
“I’m still bleeding,” I murmured against his mouth.
“I dinna care. Just kiss me.”
We kissed for a long time, like teenagers again, except this time he wasn’t so pent-up he came in his pants. Rock solid though he was, we were kissing to get close again, to relearn one another and be husband and wife, lovers, best friends… all of it… once more.
When we lay there, finally ready to go to sleep, he whispered in my ear, “How’d ye ken ye love me more?”
“Because I’m glad he’s gone. The anxiety, adrenalin… the never feeling quite relaxed… might be exciting for a bit. But he was pain; you’re my peace. And he didn’t keep to the shadows to make sure I was safe, ignorant, and could continue living my life as normal. Like you did. No, he bulldozed his way in… forced himself into my life. Exposed me to danger. And I don’t trust him. I might never trust a man like him. He reminds me way too much of—”
“Blake,” said my husband, “aye.”
“Yep.”
“Eric will never figure it out. Doing so would probably kill him. Too much pain beneath the bravado.” He clucked his tongue. “Same as Blake.”
“And what about your pain?” I asked, sneaking a look at him.
He was utterly resolved. “I was built for pain, to fight, to win, to lead… to love. I’ve seen a lot of this world, Flora. A lot of people. My pain compared to theirs is so small. Aye, I killed a bad man so he couldna hurt ma mother anymore. Some kids have no choice, no freedom, no control. No education. No guardian like Harold to show them the way. I got lucky. Very lucky.”
“Do you know?” I chuckled. “I’d say Harold would argue it was him who got lucky. Without you as a babe magnet, he’d have definitely never pulled Morag.”
Caelan grunted and nipped my shoulder. “I’m ready for sleep now, cock’s gone right doun.”
We both occasionally tittered as we drifted off together.
Chapter Forty-Four
We spent the following couple of weeks chatting, swimming and walking along the beach beneath glorious sunshine. In short, we fell in love again, cuddling, kissing, talking everything out. He told me little bits about Ukraine but not everything.
We ate gyros, and falafel, and whatever else was available… walking the pram at night until we found somewhere new. Morag and Harold had gone home by this point, having got tired of the relentless heat (it had crept up recently, and it was going to get hotter yet).
Meaning Caelan and I snatched more time together whenever we could, leaving the bodyguard to figure it out when we went to bed early. Often while he shut down the kitchen, clattering around down there with loud music on, we’d use that time to engage in some loud foreplay.
The night I decided I was ready to go all the way, he was already naked and rock solid, lounging across the bed as I kissed his stomach. God, the sight of him was obscene. Here was an Adonis. A man. Vulnerable and breakable, but refusing to ever give up.
I’d stripped down to my knickers and was gazing at him lustfully.
“Would you show me some of your fantasies? Play them out with me tonight.” My voice came out huskier than I’d intended. Maybe I was more turned on than I’d realised. “Let me be your toy, or your whatever… show me.”
“You sure?” he asked, his eyes blazing with lust.
“I wanna know what goes in your head. I wanna feel the full force of Caelan Cameron on me, in me, around me, whichever way… whatever… whenever… however the hell you want me, Caelan. I’m ready.”
He blinked twice, then licked his lips. “I ask again… are you sure?”
I nodded slowly. “I’ve thought a lot about it.”
“Did you put your cap in earlier?”
I nodded my head. “I did, honey.”
