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There was utterly no thought whatsoever as he fucked me deep, hard and religiously. He came inside me so violently, I sobbed after. In the moment, it didn’t enter my head about contraception. I think he needed it, maybe so did I.
It was already too painful this parting, and it hadn’t even happened yet.
Whatever was to come, whatever state he came back in, it would be too much.
I just knew it. This was going to end badly.
But there was no other way.
He withdrew carefully, then kissed my nose and drew me back towards the water again to keep warm. Even with the spray buffeting the pair of us, I thought I saw tears in his eyes.
“When I return home, we’ll make plans, I swear it,” he said. “We’ll figure it all out. Everything will be fine.”
I let him wash my hair, kiss me under the spray and hold me. I wanted so much to believe that everything was going to be all right.
I knew it wouldn’t be.
Chapter Four
We almost didn’t land in Aberdeen, it was so misty. We were circling for a while until finally, an act of God or something must have made it possible. I thought of the dog in cargo, the poor thing. Still, he was better off where he was. The baby screamed blue murder as we descended. No doubt his ears were popping.
After waiting forever to collect the dog, I found Harold in the car park huddled beside Caelan’s modern Range Rover, which we now kept up here.
We said nothing to one another, he merely nodded and I gave a small smile.
He put our things in the boot with no complaint and I leapt onto the back seat with the kid, feeding him as Harold drove us away. Thank goodness for tinted windows. Needs must, when you’ve just been on a packed plane with a load of leering golfers tutting and scoffing. Meanwhile Jet panted in the front seat beside his grandpa, Harold occasionally reaching out to stroke the beautiful beast’s head.
The lodge was situated on the other side of Towie, right on the edge of the Cairngorms National Park. Our first home, Castle Cagair, lay a few miles north, a little west of Kildrummy, in a small valley that almost nobody knew of. I’d got to know the landscape a lot better since those crazy early days.
Morag was waiting on the porch with a look of worry and sadness. She didn’t even make a song and dance about the baby. She saw my face and took Logan from me quietly, not even making a sound when he threw up a little bit on her plaid shirt.
I heard some whispered words between the pair, then Harold made himself scarce around the back of the lodge, no doubt throwing a ball for Jet.
For a moment, I sat in one of Caelan’s high-back chairs by the wood burner, watching the birds and squirrels racing around outside the window opposite. Then, I fell apart. Morag passed me the baby back and I held him tight to me as tears slid down my cheeks. He was alert and sucking his thumb, but probably oblivious.
“Aye, a good cry, lass. And I’ll make ye some tea.”
I caught my breath. “Have you made scones?”
“Aye, course I have,” she chuckled.
“All right, then.”
Once I’d had my tea and scone, I felt much better. The baby had a nap in Morag’s arms on the couch and eventually, she said, “Where’s himself, then?”
I gave a wry smile. “Oh, has Harold not said anything?”
“Wouldna say a thing.”
She sat there in her thick plaid shirt, her grey wiry hair sticking out in all directions, her jeans splotched with muck here and there. Well, she’d married Harold, so…
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you!” I began.
She squeezed her eyes tight shut. “Try me.”
“The King himself asked him to help with a diplomatic situation.”
Her jaw dropped. “Nae, lass! Nae. What a thing.”
