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I peered around Caelan to look at Eric. “Why did you set up that thing in Brighton? What were you going to do?”
Instead of being riled, Eric looked unmoved and cold. I didn’t know which mode was worse, but probably the one he’d slipped into now. Like he could do anything and it wouldn’t register. He could kill ten men and it’d be water off a duck’s back. He could murder our son and it’d be justice, in his eyes.
Or maybe there was no reasoning with a thug, a cold-blooded murderer.
When Eric didn’t answer, Caelan said, “Ye didna always manifest these traits. Ye were straight all those years. It wouldna huv been possible… they’d have found you out had you always been rotten.”
Eric smiled, but still, those eyes were empty.
I swallowed hard.
“I had something to keep me going,” he said, and shivered as he stared at Caelan.
That’s what this was all about. A love he hadn’t found to be reciprocated—and he never would.
Caelan was too clever and not gay, for a start; he’d seen the corruption, the bitterness, the rage and the lack of empathy in Eric all those years ago. Caelan could never love a soul as damaged as his. He saw through him.
“Because I got married and found happiness?” Caelan angrily punched the air with both hands. “I always knew ye were a piece o’ work, but this—”
Again, Eric smiled that devoid smile.
Like a psycho.
“The thought was so delicious,” Eric began, smirking, “a chance to fuck over my father out there. Yeah, I had Ogarkov convinced I was workingformy father and Hamish cottoned on. So when I got the call on the radio to warn us of incoming missiles, I may have… made sure they bought it. To uphold the lie with Ogarkov, convince him I was on their side.” I could feel Caelan’s fists trembling either side of him as he pushed them into the mattress. “Then I thought, if I drag this out, pretend I’m not the get-things-done guy people know me to be, then maybe Caelan will think there’s something really wrong and come running.”
I swallowed hard that time, but my throat was constricting to the point I was barely breathing. Rage began to swell inside of me. For my Caelan, my family, myself.
That solid team Eric had shattered. Caelan’s friends. His blades. Dead, because of Eric.
How did I not see it?
“And he did come running and saved the day in the way he always does,” said Eric, delight shining in those eyes. “To save his poor best mate, or so I thought. No.” His eyes dimmed again. “He turned up for glory, of course. Glory and answers. Kicked me out of Ukraine, sent me back to the interrogation room for a week of being ripped apart. So yeah. You bet that the first thing I did was run to you, Flora. And I thought about it, I admit.” He licked his lips. “Just taking out a knife and slitting your throat. So I might see his pain. Bathe in it and witness just some smidgen of how I feel every day.” He held his hand up and gestured with his thumb and forefinger a small amount. “Just a fraction even of the agony I endure day in, day out, knowing the man I love can never be mine. Will never want me. Will never, ever love me.”
“You don’t love me.” The words came out of my mouth softly. “You never did?”
“Your only attribute is that you are beautiful,” he said, while still staring at Caelan, his lip pulled back from his teeth, “and I felt a bit sorry for you, with Blake Rathbone for a father.”
“So why do you even want me to go with you, then?” My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing trying to figure out how we were going to play this. I knew I needed to stay calm if possible but this was another level. “I’ve seen what you really are now. I won’t love you anymore!”
He snapped his teeth and looked at me like I was dirt. “It’s the only way to hurt him. Make him feel as I do. This pain. Of living without him.”
Caelan moved a hand behind him and signalled for me to be quiet now. Let him handle it. I covered my mouth and tried to take a deep breath, but my chest was about to explode with the anxiety creeping through my limbs. The tension. Rage. Fear.
“How many bodies will be enough before you give up?” said Caelan.
“I don’t know.” Eric stared into space. “I don’t know if it’ll ever stop.”
“You’ll take ma wife back to the UK, and what? Take up with the drugs business, get yer rocks off that way, eh?”
Eric laughed a desperate, despotic laugh. “Yeah! Like we’d ever be able to go home now!”
Eric was right; it wouldn’t ever be safe for him to go back to the UK. Not with all these bodies littering the place, Eric’s fingerprints all over them.
“She winna make ye happy, Eric. She’s a wild woman who cannot be tamed. She belongs on home soil and will rebel at every turn because she’s no victim. Not ma wife.”
Just the fact Caelan really knew me and still loved me made tears well in my eyes. Eric caught that and snarled, teeth gnashing.
“She’ll soon learn her place.”
