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Caelan’s terrifying beauty hit me then as he pinned me with his eyes. He was hurt, I saw it. Brutally wounded, beneath that stoic masculine façade.
He trailed a finger down my cheek and looked broken when he said, “Have ye ever known me to lie, lass? Ever? Omit, maybe. To protect ye. But I meant it when I said, it was love at first sight. That’s all I ken.”
He leaned in and kissed my cheek, his body like an impenetrable wall before me, so strange and strong and livid, I couldn’t find a way past the barricade in that moment. A ginormous block of marble too intimidating to go round or over.
A force I couldn’t comprehend lived inside him. Something beyond, maybe superhuman. A warrior with a heart of steel. He was no ordinary mortal, but for some reason, he loved me. I knew it.
“I huvna a choice but to do what only I can do,” he said. “But I’ll be back in two or three days.”
He turned to go and I watched him retrieve a bag from the walk-in closet. Small, just the essentials. So many questions bubbled on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t find the strength to utter a single one.
When the front door downstairs banged shut, I remained standing on the landing like a shell-shock victim. And I had one thought, and one alone:but is love enough?
I went back to sleep for a while and when I woke up, I found Eric watching me sleep with Logan on his lap, the pair of them sitting on the other side of the bed. Logan was nearly sitting up alone; Eric had him balanced upright against the inside of his knee, his leg extended across the bed behind the baby. Logan was mesmerised by the tattoos on Eric’s arms and kept patting them, scratching his skin and tugging at the fine white hairs silken against all that ink. Eric was wearing jersey shorts and a tight white t-shirt. I could smell the recent application of powder meaning he’d changed the baby’s nappy while I’d dozed.
“You were dead to the world,” he said. “Logan was just chatting to himself so I came in to keep him company.”
Gradually awake, I took a deep breath and sat up in bed. “He’s gone again.”
“I know.” No emotion about it.
“What did you two speak of last night?”
Eric looked empty and shook his head. “We didn’t speak. He doesn’t trust me anymore. He locked himself in his study and I think he stayed there all night. I never heard him emerge, until…”
“I see.”
Logan got bored of Eric and held his arms out to me. I pulled him close, his scent, warmth and squidgy softness utterly electrifying. I loved him more than life itself. Logan had always been a gentle and tender baby, but when he wanted something, he wasn’t ever subtle about it—and he yanked at my shirt to let me know he was ready for a bit more.
While Logan latched on, Eric went downstairs to make tea, returning with a tray and a full pot, milk jug and two cups. It seemed like I’d brought him over to the more mellow side, since he’d started drinking tea instead of coffee that was nearly strong enough to hold a soup spoon upright.
Logan didn’t need a full feed, he’d just been wanting to soothe and top up before dozing some more, so when I took him off and Eric gave me that look, that was all it took for me to start unbuttoning my shirt the rest of the way.
He was untying his shorts when I said, “Are you clean?”
He frowned and I frowned back. A standoff ensued before he realised what I meant.
Grabbing his phone, he showed me his NHS records on the app. Modern technology, eh?
“Last tested three weeks ago.” I saw it was true, with a negative result for all kinds of things, HIV included. “Done it for years. Even if I haven’t been sexually active, which I haven’t, in quite some time now. I still get tested anyway, just in case something… appears. Given I’d been in Ukraine, cut several times by my captors, I didn’t just get the STD’s done, but the full workup.”
Shame painted my cheeks crimson and I was mortified I’d allowed…
But didn’t I have a right to know?
Yes, I did.
I could tell from the look in Eric’s eyes, he knew it was Caelan who’d put that fear in my heart.
“When was the last time you were with someone?” I asked carefully, still with my shirt mostly unbuttoned, though I remained on the other side of the bed to where he sat.
He pursed his lips and thought for a moment. “A while,” he said raggedly, then a frog got caught in his throat. “Since I first saw you, hmm. It’s been difficult to look at anyone else.”
I wasn’t sure why he was looking at me like that and had spoken with that heavy tone, but then…
Something caught at the back of my throat, too and I looked down at myself, it suddenly dawning on me that this was real. He wasn’t faking it.
“What? You think Caelan and I being best friends means we couldn’t possibly appreciate the same woman?” He grunted and cursed under his breath. “I’m afraid we have a lot more in common than he would ever admit.”
