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No, he and Jimmy were nothing alike.
It was that I was missing half the story.
Caelan kept so much locked up inside.
I felt like I hardly knew him… yet.
Chapter Thirty-Six
I woke alone the next morning, aside from Logan who was cooing in his cradle and wanting out. We spent some precious moments just us, but as I fed him, I realised he was getting less interested in the boob. It felt like it was time.
When I went to the toilet, I had indeed got my period. My hormones were changing and getting back to normal. After I’d sorted myself out, the terrible cramps started and I knew this was going to be several periods in one go. Soph had warned me about this.
“Morag!” I yelled.
She came running and saw me crouched on the floor beside the bed, doubled over.
“Period pain,” I murmured.
“Painkillers? Tea? Bed?” she said quickly, helping me back under the covers.
“All of those. And look after Logan for me?”
“Done… and done.” She rushed to the cradle. “Aww, braw lad. Had some brekkie already have ye laddie? Beauty.”
She left him where he was. “Himself went swimming down in the sea. Will be back in a jiffy with yer medicine.”
“Thank you so much, Morag.”
After the medicine kicked in, I dozed for a bit. When I next woke, Caelan was on the bed beside me reading a magazine about life in Cyprus.
“Hey, you,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“Not especially.”
When I got up, I felt really heavy and achy.
“Flo, go steady, honey,” he said, and those words left me feeling scared.
He only spoke to me like that when something was wrong.
When I saw where his eyes had gone, I knew…
…and when I got to the bathroom, yes, I’d soaked through.
I sat on the toilet and my thighs wobbled as a really sharp pain tore through me. I hadn’t shut the door so Caelan stood there looking concerned.
“Is this…?” He seemed to think it wasn’t just a period.
“Six months’ worth of periods? Yes.”
I sat and winced, and even covered my face as I suffered through more pain, and that’s when I passed something that was more than just a bit of blood and my whole body shook. I opened my legs, looked down into the basin and sobbed. Caelan’s alarm was palpable and he knelt next to me, took my hand and whispered it was going to be okay. My chin wouldn’t stop wobbling and I was pretty sure it was a miscarriage.
“I love you,” he said, when all I could do was cry.
He only left my side to start the shower running. I wasn’t really conscious as he steered me there and pulled my clothes off before I got inside. I sat in a corner and watched as the pink trail from my body swirled down the plughole.
Then there was a big soft fluffy towel, his arms, and some wadded paper between my legs. Then my knickers filled with pads. An old t-shirt of his which drowned and was the thing that made me want to weep the most.
