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Against her skin, I suck in a ragged breath.It wasn’t enough.
I did everything I could to make things right, to be a good person, to fix this, to come home to him, and none of it mattered. At the end of the day, the ocean did what it does best and stole him from me.
No matter how hard I tried, I lost him anyway.
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
MAE
The next few hours pass in a blur.
Florence stays with me, leaving only to replenish our supply of water and sunscreen. At one point, she offers to get us a hotel room, but I don’t want to leave this spot. I can’t.
As the night drags on, Zach arrives to offer me comfort. There’s an apology in his eyes that makes me sick. We did this. If I’d never met with him that night, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. If I’d stayed in my room with Blake, maybe I would still be safe. Maybe Blake would be alive. I realize then no matter what happens, I don’t want him. I only want Blake. I was so blind not to see that before.
I’ll never be able to look at Zach and see anything other than the man who was with me the night I betrayed Blake.
The last man I kissed before my husband died.
I hate myself.
I hate him.
I find myself falling in and out of sleep on the sand, starting to refuse drinks and food. How can I eat when Blake is dead? How can I just move on? It would’ve been easier if they’d left me on the boat. If I’d gone with Danny. If he’d never set me free.
I squeeze my eyes shut, rolling so my face is in the sand. I have no tears left. I feel dry and bitter and broken, as if, given enough time, I could wither away, turn into sand myself, and blow away.
At least then, we’d be together.
When I hear Florence say my name, I hardly register it. It isn’t until she’s up on her feet, pulling me to mine, that I realize something's happening.
“Mae, look! Mae, look there!” she shouts, pointing at a police boat that has neared the shore.
Did they find him? Are they going to tell me this is over? Confirm what I already know?
I focus on the boat, on my breathing.
I can do this. Blake needs me to do this.
“Is that…” Florence goes quiet. She looks down at me just as I realize what she’s seeing. There’s someone in the boat with the officers.
I hold my breath, praying. Begging the universe for the biggest mercy.
Please.
Please.
Please.
My vision blurs as the officers step from the boat, reaching forward to help the man with the life jacket up from where he’s sitting. My throat goes dry.
I can’t breathe.
Can’t think.
When he comes into view, my knees go weak. Florence, sensing it, keeps a firm hold on my arms. Beside me, she’s openly sobbing. There’s no mistaking Blake as he gets out. One of the officers points in our direction, and Blake’s head turns toward me. When we lock eyes, the air deflates from my lungs. He collapses onto the sand on his knees.
The officers gather around him, helping him to lie flat. I run, taking off at full speed until I reach him. I drop to the sand, running a hand over his chest, taking his hand in mine.
