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And all I can think is I took my fucking eye off the ball somewhere along the line.
Again.
This stirs up too many memories and bad feelings from when I lost Chatoyer to Jameson.
I lost that company because I was busy trying to save a marriage that should never have been a thing in the first place, let alone be saved.
When Jameson calls me just after lunch, I snap at him. Not because he’s done anything, but because he’s twisted up in all my feelings of failure from five years ago. “I’m busy. If you’re calling to order me to do something or be somewhere, I don’t have time for it today.” It’s completely unfair to him; he hasn’t done any of those things recently, but why else would he be calling?
Full points to the man. He doesn’t go near my bad mood. He doesn’t pull out his impatience. And he doesn’t call me out. He simply says, with more patience than I thought he had in him, “How are you?”
Those three words slow all my jittery, irrational thoughts down.
They cause me to release the air trapped in my lungs.
“I hate this day.”
“This day will end at some point.”
“And then it’ll be tomorrow, and I’ll probably hate it too.”
“Tomorrow will also end at some point.”
I release more air. “Are you always like this in the middle of a crisis?”
“Like what?”
“Like this!” I wave my hand in the air even though he can’t see it. “So calm and logical.” How do men do this? It irritates me. Mostly because I want to be calm and logical right now and I’m finding that harder with each passing moment. “Although,” I mutter, “it makes sense. You’re always so damn methodical.”
“I don’t let the bullshit get in the way.”
“I don’t let the bullshit in,” I say with indignation.
“I never said you do.”
“You implied it.”
“Fuck,” he curses. “Don’t twist my words.”
A text comes through from Douglas who needs to go over some figures with me.
“I have to go.” I pause. “Thank you for checking in. I’m sorry this is affecting you too.”
“You know I don’t give a fuck about any of that.”
“I know, but you will if it affects your company.”
“It’s not going to, Adeline. Don’t blow this up in your mind. You’ll take a hit. You’ll rebuild. End of story.”
“That’s not what you said the other day.”
“What the fuck did I say the other day?”
“You pointed out that this would wipe billions off my value.”
“I didn’t say that because I thought you couldn’t rebuild.”
And just like that, he steals something from me.
