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What are you afraid of, Charlize?
Poppy spent a great deal of yesterday telling me that I have big feelings that I’m afraid of. And I’ve spent a lot of today thinking about that.
Benjamin didn’t just break my heart. He smashed it to pieces.
Our relationship started out great, but after we got engaged, he changed. He started working a lot, which I was okay with. But the more he worked, and the more he pushed himself, the shorter his temper became, the more promises he broke, and the more lies he told. He became a mean bully and broke me emotionally.
The men I dated before him weren’t much better.
I worked through all that, but I admitted to Poppy yesterday that deep down I know I’m letting that hurt get in the way of Owen and me. I also told her that I don’t know if I have it in me to let him in.
“Oh, my darling,” she’d said, “you’ve already let him in. I’ve never seen you as happy. Now, all you have to do is keep going. Together. One step at a time.”
I read Owen’s text again.
One step at a time.
Charlize: Why?
The blue dots start instantly.
Owen: My father forced me to play it.
Charlize: Did you have a chess tutor?
Owen: Yes. My father.
Charlize: And not in a good way, huh?
Owen: In the worst possible way. He made me play for hours at a time.
Charlize: I bet you’re a great chess player.
Owen: Yes.
Charlize: I hate playing Monopoly. It was the one game my father played with us, and I never won. I mean, I’m not saying a parent should always let their children win, but he was so ruthless. Nate and I never had a chance of winning.
Owen: Do you want children?
I pause at that question, but only for a moment.
Owen and I skipped all the small talk right from the beginning. Why would we start now?
Charlize: Yes. Do you?
Owen: Yes. How many?
Charlize: Well, that’s up to fate.
Owen: You believe in fate?
Charlize: Of course. Wait, do you not?
Owen: No.
Charlize: Oh my God, Owen. How is this even possible? What do you believe in if not fate?
Owen: I believe that we have the ability to create our own reality. I believe our actions determine our lives, and that what we think of as destiny is the result of our past actions.
