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“Jill’s struggling with those lines. She’s mistaking the good ones for love that isn’t there anymore. The difference between love with your whole heart in and only half in is the bad lines. When they’re deep enough, you can’t go back. Jill still has to come to terms with the fact our bad lines are too deep to ever go back. And from my experience, existing in that space is worse than the getting there in the first place. It’s filled with confusion, and regret, and grief. You cling for fucking life until you’re bleeding out.”
I put my hand to his chest and feel the steady rhythm of his heart. “This is why you didn’t want her to know about us at work, isn’t it?” I say softly. “You didn’t want to make this harder for her.”
“Yes. I didn’t realize that at first, but it’s the main reason. There are others, though. I’m no saint, Charlize. Jill could ruin an opportunity for me if she discovers what I’ve done and uses it against me.”
I kiss him, putting my arms around his neck. “None of us are saints.” I give him a playful smile. “I mean, youdohave stalker tendencies as far as I’m aware. So, I’m keeping an eye on that. And I’m the world’s messiest messer of life, so you should know that about me.”
He runs his hand up my back and tangles his fingers through my hair. “I’ve taken note of this about you.”
I fake shock. “Take that back. I’ve tried to be very tidy while we’ve been here.”
“You did well until you showered for dinner. After that, all bets were off, and you were the world’s messiest messer of life.”
I wiggle on his lap, settling in for this discussion. “No, I think we need to be honest here and acknowledge that all bets were off when you insisted on waking up with a hard-on that you then insisted on teasing my ass with. I deserve full credit for making it through almost an entire day without throwing all my good habits out the window and showing you my true self.”
He chuckles and pulls my mouth to his so he can kiss me. “I want to always see your true self.”
“Oh, you should be careful what you wish for. That mess wasn’t even close to my messiest mess of life.”
“I have no doubt,” he says before standing. Taking me with him, he walks into the bedroom and places me on the bed. At my questioning look—because, hello, if he thinks I’m up for more sex, he’s dreaming—he says, “It’s time for sleep.”
After he removes his jacket from me, he pulls me close, and I curl into him. I put my arm across his chest and say, “How are we going to play this when we get back to work?”
“I’m going to tell Jill,” he says, and I realize this isn’t even remotely close to what I assumed he would say.
“Wait.” I push up on an elbow and look down at him. “Why?”
“I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m hiding you away, Charlize. I’ll find time tomorrow to speak with Jill.”
“I don’t need you to tell her for my sake. What’s the opportunity she could ruin for you?”
“I’ve been nominated for the Bluestone Award.”
Oh, wow. I’ve had previous bosses who won that. The Bluestone is one of the most prestigious business awards in the world.
“Owen, we knew each other and slept together before I worked for you. Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen, wait another week, and then go from there.”
“I don’t want to wait another week,” he says with determination.
“Okay,” I say slowly, liking how his determination makes me feel. “We won’t wait, but I’ll stay away from you at work. Don’t tell Jill. There’s no need.”
He thinks about that, and I sense his unease over my suggestion, but in the end, he says, “I’ll tell her if it becomes necessary.”
I lie back down. “It won’t become necessary.”
My last thought before I fall asleep is about the kind of man Owen is.
I was right: he’s a values kind of guy.
He’s the most values kind of values guy I’ve ever known.
Even if he did pocket my red thong and is insisting on keeping it in case he wants to strangle me one day.
21
Charlize
The flight home to New York is long. Mostly because I’m tired after a busy few days, but also because we didn’t get much sleep last night and I have a lot of work to get through on the flight. We arrive in New York just before lunch. Owen drops me off at Dylan’s place before he goes into the office. I try to convince him to take the afternoon off, but he doesn’t even consider it. I didn’t really expect him to, but I tried. The man needs sleep.
