AllFreeNovel
Share Us
PARTI
1
Kristen
Twenty Years Old
I was eight when Cinderella convinced me I wanted to find my very own prince. To be saved and loved by a man was a fairytale I wanted in on because I didn’t feel loved or cherished by the man in my life, my father. I also wanted the beautiful dress and shoes, but mostly I dreamed of the prince wanting me, searching for me, choosingme.
Everything my mother taught me as a child perpetuated the story that little girls should spend their lives preparing themselves for their prince. I learned how to look, how to walk, how to smile, how to think. As I got older, I learned about the right clothes, the right makeup, the right social circle. I watched and listened to how other girls attracted boys. I perfected the art of flirting, deferring, flattering. And all along the way, my mother reminded me with everything she said and did that marrying the right man was my goal in life.
I was nineteen when I began questioning the fairytale. The princes I’d met were far from what I imagined as a child. My experiences were clumsy. My boyfriends weren’t attentive. And they didn’t stick around if I didn’t sleep with them.
Where was my prince who wanted me, searched for me, chose me?
A year later, and my doubt is strong.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” I yank my necklace off and dump it next to the sink of the restroom I’m in as I stare at myself in the mirror. “I’ve spent the last month preparing for this ball. Running my heart out, attending every spin class I could find, barely eating, and agonizing over my dress and hair, and he doesthat?”
My friend looks at me in horror as I pull at my hair, removing pins and freeing it from its perfect braided low bun that my hairdresser assured me was romantic and classy.He’ll love it, darling. Ah, no, he didn’t even notice it, let alone love it. The only thing my boyfriend loves about my appearance tonight is the sparkling silver dress I’m wearing. And not because of its beauty, but because it hugs my body like it wants to suffocate it. I imagined Jeremy whispering sweet nothings in my ear all night. Instead, he’s whispered nothing but the filthy things he wants to do to me after he gets my dress off. Well, that was before I angered him. He hasn’t been whispering anything in my ear for the last hour since I did that.
“Kristen, stop. What are you doing?” Lesley shrieks, eyes wide with panic as she watches me ruin my hair in the middle of one of the biggest balls of the year.
I don’t stop. I can’t. It’s not only my dress suffocating me tonight; it’s everything. My hair, my jewelry, my makeup, my shoes. Myexpectations.
I need it all off, but since I can’t strip every piece of it from my body, I’ll settle with removing my necklace and liberating my hair.
“Did you see the way he’s been leering at Susie?” I continue tugging at the pins holding my hair in place. “We’ve been together for six months. Six months! I’ve been the perfect fucking girlfriend, doing everything he wants, and then the one time I don’t fall into line, he starts ignoring me and checking out other women.”
Lesley frowns. “What do you mean you didn’t fall into line?”
I meet her gaze in the mirror, almost finished freeing my hair. “He wanted me to suck his dick.” When she doesn’t stop frowning, I add, “Here! At this ball.” I finish with the last pin and fluff my hair out as I turn to her. “I am never going to get on my knees in a public place, and I’ve told him that. Sex is a private thing. I don’t understand men who want it outside of the bedroom.”
“Umm, I think they all want it outside of the bedroom. You may have to give it to him in other places.”
My eyes widen and I stare at her with disbelief. “I don’t have togive it to himanywhere I don’t want to.” It’s my turn to frown now. “Do you really believe that?”
“Everyone I know believes that.”
“Not everyone. I don’t.”
“Well, that may be where you’re going wrong.”
My eyes flare even wider, and I’m lost for words. I’m not the one in my relationshipgoing wrong.
She receives a text and immediately checks it. “That was Martin.” She eyes me with uncertainty. “Are you okay if I go and dance with him?”
Lesley has spent the last three months chasing this guy. I might need a friend by my side right now, but I would never stop her from dancing with him. “I’m good. Go. Dance.” I smile. “He’s been watching you all night, Les. He’s into you.”
Her eyes light up. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay, I’m going.” She’s halfway to the restroom exit when she glances back at me. “Text me if you need me.”
I nod. “I will.”
I won’t.
