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“And the lies just keep coming.” My anger is on a roll now. “Don’t fool yourself that a relationship with me would be anything like the relationships you’ve had to date. You have a knack for selecting assholes. It perfectly complements your talent for keeping Daddy happy.”
She slaps me before scrambling off my lap. Straightening her dress, she looks at me like she’s wishing death upon me. “I believed you years ago when you told me you would be gentle. It seems I really do have a knack for choosing assholes.”
I stand and look down at her as the sting from her hand still heats my cheek. I’m fucking drowning here. This is the first relationship in my life I feel powerless in. The fact it’s the one relationship I want to work out is destroying me. “I never promised I’d be gentle. You’re remembering that incorrectly. I only ever promised not to be violent.”
“You need to look the meaning of that word up, then.” She snatches her purse off the couch. “I’m going home and am going to forget tonight ever happened.”
“We both know you won’t ever forget what happened tonight.”
With one last glare, she turns to stalk away, only getting two steps from me before I reach for her arm and turn her to face me again. This can’t be how we leave this. Even with all the hurt we’ve hurled at each other, we can’t fucking leave it like this.
“Tell me you want me,” I demand.
“I don’t,” she throws back at me, her face twisting with the lie she’s still clinging to.
I grip her arm harder and pull her to me. “Stop lying to me, Kristen. You were happy to tell me all the ways you wanted me to fuck you, tell me that you want me to love you.”
Her breaths come hard and fast as she stares up at me. Those beautiful eyes of hers are filled with a storm of emotions. I want that storm. I want all of it. With her. I’ll take her hate. I’ll take her anger. I’ll take everything if only she’ll let me love her.
“I want you.” Those three little words choke out of her and mean the fucking world to me. “But I can’t give you what’s left of me. I will ruin you and I refuse to do that.”
Doesn’t she see? She’s already ruined me.
“I want all of you, Kristen. Every good part. Every beautiful part. And every dark, painful, shattered part. You won’t ruin me. Not when you’re the one thing I need to breathe.”
Tears spill down her cheeks as she shakes her head madly at me. “All this time, I thought I had to fix myself so that everyone would love me, when what I had to do waslovemyself.” She wipes her tears but they just keep falling. “I can’t tell you I want you to love me because I can’t promise you anything in return. I can’t even promise myself a fucking thing.” She moves into me and pulls my face down to hers so she can kiss me. It’s a heartbreaking kiss. I feel the agony deeply in my soul.
And then she finally lets me go, destroying me completely when she whispers, “Goodbye, Bradford.”
PARTII
17 MONTHS LATER
24
Kristen
“Tinder can suck a big, hairy dick. I’m done with it.” I gulp some wine. “And while we’re at it, I’m also done with recharging my vibration. Oh, and flossing. I’m done with that too.” I finish my glass of wine and look around the table at my sister and her friends who I’m having afternoon tea with. “I also think I should be done with men.”
Holy heck, is it hot in here?
And where did all those words come from? I don’t say things like that.
I pull at my blouse and undo the top button.
I’m really hot. Like,overheatedhot.
Maybe the heating is set too high.
I glance around the elegant dining room. It’s one of my favorites in Vegas with its soaring coffered ceiling, custom Bernadaud chandeliers, subtle touches of opulent gold throughout, large-scale landscape paintings, and floor-to-ceiling Las Vegas Boulevard backdrop. However, today the blended sound of laughter and conversation, along with the tinkle of glasses and soft music, is too much for me.
I’m usually good with busy. I generally live for it. But not today. Not when I feel like I can’t possibly squeeze one more thing into my head.
“You should not give up flossing,” Poppy says. “Quit Tinder. Quit recharging your vibration.” She cocks her head and narrows her eyes at me. “What does that even mean?” Before I can answer, she carries on. “And yeah, maybe you should quit men for a while. But don’t give up flossing.”
“Do you floss?” I ask. I’ve always been a flosser, but I recently read that less than fifty percent of Americans floss. Quite honestly, I could do with those extra minutes in my life, so I’ve been contemplating giving this habit up.
She nods. “Fuck yes. I will never not floss. And I make sure Seth does too. No flossing, no blowjobs.”
