AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It’s surprisingly cozy, I acknowledge for the hundredth time.Hard to make a motel room cozy, but that’s Mathilda for you.I smile as I think about the older woman who greeted me that first day.I was so scared, I chuckle.Anything would have made me go into hiding. But the older woman took me in that first night, and when she saw I was down on my luck, she offered me a job the next day. Since then, I’ve been working for Mathilda at the Starshine Motel, and it’s not bad. It’s manual labor, which helps take my mind off the sorry state of my life, and I get free room and board, although the pay is meager. I don’t mind though. I just need a while to collect myself.
But right, work. I hoist myself to my feet to get ready for the day ahead. Today, I’ll be playing cook. My jobs at the Starshine Motel change daily, but I’m not complaining. The little place does surprisingly well despite its location, and Mathilda always finds something for me to do. Some days I’m a waitress, others I run the front desk if she has an errand to tend to. Usually I’m cooking or cleaning, though, which is fine. I’m used to being on my feet, and for a farm girl, this kind of manual labor is nothing.
I pull a generic t-shirt over my head and tie my usual flannel around my waist. Then, I look down at my belly and frown.
Getting a bit harder to hide the bump, huh little baby?
I cross to the mirror and look at my growing stomach.It’ll be six months next week.
Tears come to my eyes as I caress my abdomen and imagine the tiny life growing inside of me. I’m starting to show and it’s making the whole pregnancy situation much more real. I also haven’t told Mathilda yet. I don’t know that she’d kick me out, but I don’t want to risk being homeless when the little one comes.
Mathilda would never make me leave, I acknowledge with a shake of my head.She cares about you, Darcy. But with my baby growing bigger each day, I know that I can’t keep up with this job. The hours on my feet are already taking a toll on my body, and my back aches, along with a constant crick in my neck.
I sit down on the bed, already feeling tired despite the early hour. “It’s hard to do this alone, little one,” I say to my belly. “And sometimes I’m scared. But mostly I’m happy. Happy I’ll get to meet you so soon.”
That’s about the sum of it,this mixture of terror and joy and uncertainty.
I blink away the tears, thinking back to the man who gave me this baby. When I first realized I was pregnant – the smell of burned bacon making me want to vomit had been the first indication that something was strange – I was alarmed and scared. Ranger was out of my life and I had nothing to my name. I was in a strange town, and didn’t know a soul.
But my fear quickly turned to excitement, mingled with a tinge of sorrow. This baby was made out of love, with my husband, before I knew of Ranger’s betrayal and before I knew so much heartbreak.
Now, sitting here on my bed, I’m happy, or at least I feel some version of contentment because this baby means that I’ll no longer be completely alone in the world. Even more, the child’s existence reminds me of the man that I love so much. Tears threaten to spill over once again. Yes, I still love Ranger, or whatever his name is. A small cry erupts from my throat, but then I swallow hard to stifle it.
The alarm clock signals that it’s now seven in the morning, so I pull myself off the bed, lock up my room, and head to the motel’s main kitchen to take over the breakfast shift.At least I didn’t have to do the five am-er.
Once in the kitchen, I greet my colleagues and wash up before getting to work. I’ve always been decent at making breakfast staples, and Mathilda lets me have free rein in the kitchen. Today, I decide, is a French toast kind of morning and start whipping up eggs and cinnamon.
Alone in the large space, I try to avoid thinking about Ranger, but the baby kicks and just as suddenly, the handsome cowboy’s back in my mind. “Got a mind of your own, hmm little bit?” I tease the little kicker. “Just like your daddy.”
While mixing batter, I drift off and begin to think of my lover again. I think about how Ranger smells, and how strongly and closely he would hold me at night. I reflect on how much he did for the farm and how he was my answer from heaven during a desperate time. I let my mind wander to more salacious thoughts, and how Ranger teased me. How he put this baby inside me.
I blush at the thought.Too naughty for this early hour.
I start dipping the bread into the egg mixture. A couple times, I made French toast just like this for Ranger. It was often during lazy Sundays, the one day each week when we made a little more time for ourselves and ignored what farm duties we could. I placed the breakfast and warm syrup in front of him on the table and he kissed me, so sweetly.And then I spilled syrup everywhere, I’d been so caught up in the kiss.
I laugh out loud at the memory. In that moment, I felt so lucky to find this mysterious cowboy who seemed to care so deeply for me.
And wasn’t that all a nice fat lie, Darcy?
I pull myself away from the happy thoughts as I flip the French toast in the pan. “Shit.” In my musings, I let the one side burn. I throw away the bad batch and start again.
Nice little metaphor for your life, isn’t it? I try to shake the bitter thought away, but it sticks, forming into a gloomier one and darkening my already edgy mood.
Sure, Ranger did a lot on the farm and took care of me. But it was all so he could trick me into selling my property.
Or maybe he was going to take it by force somehow, since we’re married.
I shudder at the fact. It’s not that I hate Ranger, but the opposite. I fell in love with my lifelong enemy, like some foolish little girl dreaming that her savior would ride out of the forest and solve all her problems. But in my blindness, now everything I ever cherished is partially his.
Theirs, I think gloomily.The McLaughlins got what they wanted.
The deed to the farm is in my name, but with Ranger as my legal husband and me nowhere to be found, by now I’d bet my last penny that the McLaughlins have already taken over the land.
All because I was a little fool who fell in love with a handsome cowboy. I feel tears start to build up behind my eyes. I do my best to hold them back while I finish making breakfast, but a few errant ones slip down my cheeks. Angrily, I dash them away. I did this to myself, and deserve to suffer the consequences.
As soon as I wrap up my cooking shift, I clean the space and then quietly exit from the side door, so I don’t have to interact with any of the guests or my coworkers. Outside, the sunny day has turned cloudy, and I can’t help but feel that the weather is echoing my unstable mood.
I make my way back to my room, needing a few moments away from the world and my painful thoughts. Finally alone, I let hot tears spill down my face before dropping onto my slightly protruding belly. I cry harder when I look at the little bump that indicates my growing baby.
