AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Yes, and why shouldn’t I? It’s a perfectly normal thing, passing on someone’s details. The two of you are married, you know. It’s not like I gave your address to some random stranger. And I was just exhausted from absorbing so much negativity – I had to do it for my own wellbeing. I have a life of my own, Tori. I have to put my needs first occasionally, since nobody else will.’
I roll my eyes in Achille’s direction. ‘Charlie, I’m in a cemetery. I can’t have this conversation now.’Or ever,I add silently.
‘Well, I just want you to know that I didn’t tell Duncan to go to Florence. His decision had nothing to do with me at all.’
‘Noted. Look—’
‘And I couldn’t have known,’ she goes on. ‘There was no way I could possibly tell what he was going to do. So if you’re about to blame me for that on top of everything else, Tori, then you can just—’
She breaks off so abruptly that for a second I think my phone has died. Then I hear a sigh.
‘No, that’s all wrong.’ Her voice is flat, matter-of-fact. ‘I could perfectly well have known. I should have known.’
I’m so surprised that it takes me a moment to summon the power of speech. ‘Uh… sorry?’
‘Maybe I couldn’t have guessed his exact plans. But I might have known something was wrong. I mean, a few years ago the two of you were all loved-up, and then at some point things changed. And then you were sad and stressed and nervous. I just didn’t understand it and, frankly, I found it annoying.’ She sighs again. ‘If I’d really paid attention, I’d have understood. As it was, I didn’t actually realise Duncan was so toxic until I spoke to him just now.’
A jolt of nausea. ‘You spoke to him?’
‘He spoke to me. Phoned me up and ranted. According to him—’
‘Don’t tell me.’ I close my eyes and feel the world tilt. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’
‘All right, I won’t. Anyway, it doesn’t even matter what he said. It was how he said it. He sounded so… so…’
‘Cold? Scornful? Vicious?’
‘Yeah, basically.’ Charlie hesitates. I can almost see her fiddling with her earrings, like she does when she’s embarassed and doesn’t want to show it. ‘Tori, did he talk to you like that?’
‘Yes.’
‘And was it… I mean, did he only do it when you were arguing? Or was it more…’
‘Regular. I told you already, that’s what he’s like.’
‘Right,’ Charlie says. ‘Well, clearly I have to do some serious work on myself. If I couldn’t spot a bad relationship dynamic at such close quarters, then I’m obviously out of touch with my own innate sense of healthy boundaries. I’ve actually been thinking about changing therapist, trying more of a psychodynamic approach. Besides, my current one has seemed quite stressed lately and it’s starting to affect my self-esteem. Anyway, if Duncan spoke to you like that all the time, I’m not surprised you were so passive and whiny.’
‘Thanks,’ I mutter. But I feel a perverse rush of affection for my bossy big sister, although – or maybe because – I know this is the closest I’ll ever get to an apology.
‘Emotional abuse is a dreadful problem,’ she goes on. ‘Most people don’t really understand it. And of course those of us who’ve been inadequately parented are especially prone to repeating that kind of dynamic. I can recommend some excellent books if you… wait. Did you say you were in acemetery?’
‘Yes, and I have to go. I’ll tell you about it sometime,’ I say firmly as she starts to protest. ‘Just not now.’
‘Okay. But we really do need to talk about your boundaries—’
‘Goodbye, Charlie. And good luck with the new therapist.’
‘Goodbye then. I do love you, you know,’ she adds, sounding almost aggrieved.
‘I love you too.’ I end the call, switch my phone off and shove it back into my bag. ‘Well,’ I mutter, ‘so much for peace, quiet and understanding.’
I stay with Achille a while longer, letting my heart slow and my mind clear. Then, when the hunger pangs start to assert themselves, I head out and along the via Senese to Totò’s bar.
*
I’m halfway into a plate of pici cacio e pepe, scrolling through BBC News on my phone, when a shadow falls across my table and I look up. Cecco’s standing in front of me, looking faintly disapproving and leaning on the back of a chair for support.
‘Oh!’ I say. ‘Hello there. That seat’s free if you want it.’
