AllFreeNovel
Share Us
This is where I hide myself away. This is where I stay sane, recovering from the nonstop nonsense of the outside world. Or itwas, anyway.
Now it’s the tenth circle of hell.
When Cocoa finally comes out of the bathroom, she’s ashen. Silent. She won’t meet my eye, and everything she says to me for the rest of the evening is painfully polite. No more teasing, no more flirting. We’re done with that now.
For the first time since she came here, I’m relieved to part ways and go to bed. It’s agony being around her like this and knowing I’m the cause.
It’s too early to sleep, but I hide in my bedroom like a coward. The moon shines through the open drapes, and stars speckle the navy sky. A line of pink still glows on the horizon. The sun’s barely set, and I’ve already brushed my teeth, scrubbed my face, and changed into striped pajama pants. I’m forty going on seventy, I guess.
The mattress creaks as I stretch out above the covers. It’s a warm night, but the chill on the breeze sends goosebumps rippling over my bare chest each time the drapes flutter.
Hush, hush, say the waves.
But for once, I can’t be soothed.
Cocoa.Is she okay?
I try reading, flicking on my bedside lamp, but it’s no use. My eyes read the same page six times but nothing sinks in, and I’m clutching the paperback so hard my hand cramps. Which book is this? I couldn’t even tell you the genre.
Bed springs plunk as I roll over, face planting in the pillows. The faded old quilt is soft against my chest, brushing the overheated skin, loose threads snagging in my chest hair. My breath is muffled. It smells like peppermint toothpaste. What was I thinking? Of course Cocoa doesn’t want a man like me.
She’s vivid, crackling with boundless energy. I get worn down by a simple conversation at the post office.
The soft click of my bedroom door barely registers. Not until I hear her whisper, “Mac?”
I go rigid. Every muscle in my body strains against my bones.
There’s a soft sigh, and the door clicks shut again. For a moment, I think that’s it—but then footsteps pad across my floorboards and stop beside the bed.
Turn over, you ass.
It’s not that easy. I’m so ashamed by what I’ve done, and what if Cocoa misreads my intentions? We’re alone in my bedroom. Her sweet voice always makes me hard, and these pajama pants hide nothing. How do I navigate this minefield when I’m cracked open and bleeding from longing?
“Is that it, then?” Cocoa sounds as sad and tired as I feel. “We only get the one kiss?”
I roll over before my brain can kick in, and prop up on my elbows. She stares down at me, fingers plucking at her baggy sleep shirt—the green one I used to run in sometimes.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve bought her plenty of clothes. Pajamas too, but Cocoa still sleeps in my old t-shirts each night, the hem brushing her thighs when she comes down for coffee in the mornings. The sight of it always kills me and resurrects me in one go.
“You want another one?” I demand, voice too rough, too hard, but she doesn’t flinch. Wherever else I’ve gone wrong, my girl has never been afraid of me. “You’re seriously telling me you want to do that again? You threw up, Cocoa. You’ve barely looked at me all night.”
Pink floods her cheeks. “Not because of…” She trails off, gesturing between us. “I, um. Some memories came back. I remembered. It was a—a shock to the system, I guess.”
Oh.
Oh, shit. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.
She didn’t hate the kiss?
Her memories are back?
“You remembered?” Cold seeps into my bones, somehow even worse than before. Does that mean she’s leaving? God, I’d give anything to keep her here, even with this awkwardness. Even if we never touch again. “It’s all come back? Everything?”
A puff of breath. She shakes her head, dark bob swaying. “Not yet. But… enough. I know where we should go tomorrow.”
Tomorrow? Pain slices my insides.
Ah, hell. I’m not equipped for this. Not for telling what’s right or wrong; not for keeping my hands off this girl; and not for keeping a lid on all these goddamn feelings.
