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“I’m in Rochester and my car won’t start.”
“What are you doing there?”
“What do you mean, everyone?”
“Haven’t you checked your phone? Max sent a message out in the family chat saying you were upset and took off. He’s losing his mind over at mom and dad’s trying to find a way to track you down.”
Her words cut through me, a sharp reminder of the reason I was in this mess. I was upset that he would involve our families in this personal mess.
“Can you come get me?”
“Yeah of course, it will take me a while but we’ll head that way now. Are you somewhere safe?”
“I’m at the mall, so yeah. I’m parked in front of the movie theater. I’ll just wait here.”
“Okay, we’ll be there soon.”
“We? No, Eve, don’t bring anyone else. Just come alone, okay?”
“See you soon.”
She hung up and dread came over me as I realized she didn’t agree to come alone. I contemplated hiring an Uber to just take me back to Whitewood, but that would cost a ton of money that I didn’t have. Tears ran down my face as I looked at myself in the rearview mirror. Having a large family had its benefits, but it also had the downside of everyone sticking their nose where it didn’t belong. It had only been a few weeks since everything started with me and Max, but we’d got serious fast and I was already making arrangements to move in with him. My sister thought I was crazy and now as I sat there thinking about it, even if she came alone, I’d still have a million questions to answer that I just wasn’t ready for.
I dozed off in my car until the sound of soft tapping on my driver’s side window woke me. Much to my dismay, it wasn’t Eve. It wasn’t even Eve and Max or one of my parents. It was Max, and he was alone. The tow truck from the shop was parked in front of me and he had his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground by the time I looked up. I ran my hands through my hair, trying to figure out how to get through the hour-long ride back to Whitewood in the tow truck. I needed to talk to him but the thought of having no way to escape made me more nervous than I expected. I cracked the door open, unwilling to get out and admit that I was nearly freezing to death because I’d fallen asleep in a broken-down car.
“Hey.”
“Hey, you okay?”
“My car won’t start.”
“Yeah, Eve told me. Why don’t you go jump in the truck and warm up?”
I reached for my purse and without a word, did what he asked. I watched as he worked to get my car out of the spot it was in and hooked up while texting Eve how much I hated her for sending Max instead of coming on her own. By the time he was done, I was warmed up, but when he got into the truck, I had to look away as the tears started streaming down my face. Max pulled onto the highway and handed me a small pack of travel tissues, saying nothing. In my mind I thought maybe if he did I’d feel better, but my heart was breaking and the fear of it getting worse was too overwhelming. I retreated into silence, a painful wall between us as we made the drive back to Whitewood. I must have dozed off again because before I knew it, we were parking at the back of the shop.
“I’m really sorry Noelle. I’ve been a disaster all day worrying about you. It wasn’t until the drive back here that I could even try to come up with the words to explain everything, and I have nothing. It all just sounded ridiculous in my head.”
“That sounds like your problem, not mine.” I looked over at him for the first time since we got in the car and that’s when I realized how badly I wished I could turn back time. “I want to go home, Max.”
“You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I mean, if you hadn’t put us in this situation, then I wouldn’t be alone, but now I have no choice.”
“But you do.” He reached for my hand and I pulled it away. I couldn’t let him touch me. If he did, I’d forgive him. I’d fall back into his arms and make myself pretend he hadn’t spent my entire adult life being the only hope I had at someone truly loving me for me. I shook my head at the thought. Everything felt so insane and I hadn’t even said the words out loud.
“I want to go home.”
“Let’s take my truck.”
Max got out of the tow truck and walked through the parking lot to his F350. I sat and watched as he unlocked it, got in, and turned it on. It was late and the red lights of the truck illuminated the parking lot. Christmas was long over and I missed the cheerful glow that seemed to permeate our small town. Even on a cold and depressing night like tonight, the holiday decorations could bring a smile to anyone’s face. I took a deep breath and got out, heading to the truck. I was so tired my body felt as if I were walking across the grand canyon. My chest hurt so much it felt as if I were having an actual heart attack. The emotional turmoil of the day clearly had a physical effect on me, and there was no way I could handle a confrontation with Max right now.
The ride back to my place was quiet, and I was thankful. When I went to get out Max caught my hand pulling me back.
“Noelle, please. Just let me know you’re okay.”
“I will be. I always am.”
I pulled away from him and got out of the truck. Walking to my front door alone nearly killed me, but I did it. The sound of the lock clicking under my fingers echoed through my cold townhouse. My body shook as I gave in completely to the pain and tears that tore through my body. I leaned against the wall and slowly lowered myself to the ground. I couldn’t keep it together anymore and since I was finally home, I didn’t need to. I laid on my side and closed my eyes as the memories of the last few weeks raced by. Everything hurt so much. In my heart, I knew it all felt worse than anything I had ever experienced before because it was Max. I had spent too many years of my life dreaming of the perfect man I imagined had been sending me letters, only to find out he was part of my life all along.
