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It was so simple, such a succinct thought from a girl who doesn’t know how impactful her words are at this moment. And they wash me, almost cleansing me of the guilt I feel whenever the whispers about my father follow me. I could acknowledge the hurt he caused people here while also not being responsible for it.
“Of course.” I pat the seat next to me.
Amanda and I eat lunch together as she opens up more and more, asking me questions about sets, directors, and different roles. By the time the workshop is over, I’ve given her my phone number and feel like a ton has been lifted off my shoulders. Coming here was the right choice.
As I collect Nathan from where he’s still sleeping in front of the fireplace, my phone rings.
“You headed out?” Wilson calls from the ticket counter, where he’s clacking away at the computer.
“Yeah. I’ll see you soon?” I blow a kiss and head outside as he answers yes to my back.
The call connects to the car as I pick it up and put the seat warmers on.
“Hi, Mom,” I greet her.
“Why am I hearing from Malcolm that you are trying to end your contract with Yaren?” An irritated tone barks at me through the speaker.
Shit. With everything going on here, I forgot to get ahead of the hurricane that will be my mother when she finds out I’m quitting my famous life.
“I don’t know why Malcolm is even calling you. I’m not seven, I run my own career,” I grumble because the people who I pay out of my very hefty contracts should be keeping my stuff under wraps.
“This is going to get out, Cassandra. People will think you’ve gone crazy, or that you have a dark scandal threatening to come out, or that you’ve lost the star factor. You can’t let these rumors run rampant or they’ll come true. Working to stay on top is part of the business, dear.”
In her brain, she’s helping me. But that gene most mothers have to nurture their child’s happiness and contentment apparently wasn’t installed on her motherboard.
Taking a deep breath, because I know the war I’m about to start, I just say it. “Mom, I am ending my contract with Yaren. After the last movie I shot releases, I’m going to be taking a step away from acting. I’m going to be moving out of LA. And I’m going to try to leave the spotlight, if it will let go of me.”
Silence from the other end cuts like a shallow wound. Because, on some level, I don’t care what my mother has to say. I’ve been independent for far longer than I’ve been famous, making every decision essentially alone, and I know what’s best for me. Our relationship doesn’t have the sway of guilt or expectation it once did over me.
On the other hand, she’s my mother. I’m always going to want to impress her or have her be proud of me. Which is why her words and reaction sting.
“You’ll end up just another one of these failed actresses, too weak for the limelight. Is that what you want? Look at all you’ve built. People love you, adore you, worship you. You make millions of dollars a year. You’re giving it up for what? Because you’re having a hard time. Believe me, Cassandra, you don’t know struggle. I’ve struggled. And being where I am now is a hell of a lot better. Call Yaren immediately and tell him you made a mistake.”
Sour spit fills my mouth. And not because I want to obey her against my own happiness, but because I realize that I was raised by two people who will always put themselves and their image first. Spending just one night with the Ashton family showed me what real families act like. They laugh together, support one another, and look out for each other. No one is perfect, but this reaction without even hearing why I’m taking these steps is justwrong.
Nevertheless, it doesn’t surprise me in the least.
“I’m not going to do that. I’ve thought about this for a very long time, and I’m not happy.”
“What is happiness when you have everything anyone could ever want?” Mom scoffs, and I can picture her face.
“You don’t know what everyone wants. And you don’t have to understand what I want, but you do have to respect it. And stay out of it. My business managers and lawyers and agent answer to me. Not you. So I’m asking you, stay out of this and stop your husband from getting involved.”
What I leave out is that it won’t end well. I have nothing to lose if I’m giving it all up anyway. My mother isn’t the villain in my story, but she isn’t a supporting character either. Her influence and effect on my life is very minimal these days. And thankfully, I’ve molded myself into a strong enough person that her digs don’t leave invisible cuts anymore.
“How … what … I am your mother. I’ve always tried to do the best for you, so has Dennis. This is a huge mistake, Cassandra. Do you know how selfish it is to give up a life that everyone wants?”
My mother is too high in her penthouse to see that the majority of people wouldn’t want it once they knew the toll it involves.
“I guess I’ll have to trust that I know what’s right.” It’s meant to come out more sarcastically than I say it, but I disconnect the call before she can lay into me further.
What I truly want has changed so much over the years, but never more than in this last year of discovering who I firmly want to be. It has taken coming back to a place where I assumed no one wanted me to see that brushing away the cobwebs and scary tales made something look awfully different than we remember it in our minds.
Leaving my life in LA feels quite the same. And instead of a pit in my stomach at the thought of quitting, I feel nothing but light as a feather.
25
CASSANDRA
