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Hard.
I should have been able to dismiss my actions as a weak, foolish moment, but it was like the final words I’d spoken to him before he’d fallen asleep were a promise of some kind.
I’ve got you.
“Fuck,” I whispered under my breath as I ran my fingers over Theo’s much cooler forehead. The painkillers and antibiotics were doing their job. He was sleeping peacefully, and his fever had finally broken within the last couple of hours.
The relief of knowing Theo was out of the woods did little to lessen the knot in my belly as I grappled with the guilt of what I’d just done.
As the sun had started to break over the horizon, I’d heard the morning stirrings of the house as its residents began the new day, which had meant I’d had a job to do; just not the one I’d been hired for.
I’d had to face what was likely one of the few people in the world who truly cared about Theo and lie to him about why he couldn’t see his friend less than a dozen hours after their long-awaited reunion. While I didn’t know all the details about Ford and Theo’s relationship when they’d been kids, I’d heard enough to know that not only had Ford been excited about his friend’s visit, he’d also been very nervous.
And I’d had to tell him a bald-faced lie so I could keep my own promise.
Lincoln…
Fuck, who was I trying to kid? I hadn’t been worried about keeping my promise to Theo because that had been a no-brainer; I’d been worried aboutprotectingTheo.
Not his secrets.
Him.
I needed to keep him here. In this house. In this place where he’d see that there were people willing to stand beside him.
Or in front of him if that was what he needed to deal with whatever demons were haunting him.
Hell, I’d be at the front of the pack doing my best to knock down each and every one of the fuckers long before they could ever touch Theo again.
Too close, Lincoln. Too close.
The ugly little reminder had me pulling my hand back and settling myself back into the chair that I’d slid as close to the bed as I could.
After telling Ford and Cam that Theo had a touch of the flu, I’d continued to play out the lie by donning latex gloves and a mask as I’d gone to check in on Walter and Lenny. Part of my morning routine with my crotchety patient was to do some stretches as he got out of bed so he wouldn’t feel as stiff. But when the old man and his lover had seen the protective gear and asked all the same questions Ford had, they’d shuffled me out of the room and told me to return to Theo. Before I could even protest, Lenny had given me a gentle pat on the arm before saying he would take care of helping Walter with his stretches.
I’d been way too eager to take the escape I’d been given and had ended up practically running up the two flights of stairs to get back to Theo. My nursing side had taken a back seat in my brain as terrible images of Theo lying on the floor because he’d tried to get out of bed by himself flooded my mind.
He’d been exactly as I’d left him, but I’d been a fucking wreck as I’d dropped in the chair that had initially been a good ten feet from the young man… the chair I’d spent the entire night sitting in as I’d watched him sleep.
Lincoln, please…
I dropped my head and swallowed hard as I worked to keep the tears at bay.
“The past is in the past,” I murmured softly to myself as I leaned forward in the chair and began running my fingers through my hair. The hair tie easily came loose and fell somewhere, but I didn’t care. I had to get my internal shit together before I could think about my external appearance.
“Past is in the past,” I said again as tears stung my eyes. I pulled in a deep breath, then another one. It seemed to take forever for my heartbeat to slow and for the oxygen to easily move through my constricted lungs.
I held there for another minute just to make sure I was in control of myself before lifting my head to see how my patient was doing.
My nowawakepatient.
Fuck, how long had he been watching me lose my shit for?
“Good morning, how are you feeling?” I murmured as I made a big production of pulling the equipment from my bag that would allow me to check his vitals.
“When can I leave?” Theo immediately asked as he sat up. He kept his head down as he slowly swung his legs around so they hung off the side of the bed. He quickly maneuvered the sheet so I couldn’t see his skinny, frail legs. I wanted to remind him that I’d already seen them but kept my mouth shut.
I managed to keep my voice even as I responded. “You can return to your own room whenever you’re ready,” I said. “As to leaving the property, you need to give it a few days. Your body has been through a lot of trauma, Theo,” I added. “Less than twelve hours ago you were standing on the threshold of sepsis’s door… a door many don’t come back through.” I didn’t bother to look at his face as I spoke because I knew what I’d see there.
