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Sorry.
All I could do was hold him.
So that was exactly what I did.
It felt like hours but considering the water was still warm, it had to have only been minutes until his sobs began to slow. His body was shaking violently against mine, so I knew the warm water wasn’t enough on its own. I reached down Theo’s back and grabbed the hem of his hoodie. I drew it up slowly. He automatically lifted his arms when the material reached his armpits. The second the fabric was free of his body, his arms were back around me. He’d finally stopped apologizing but the fact that he’d gone completely quiet made me nervous.
“Theo, baby, are you hurt?” I asked loud enough that he’d hear me over the running water. He shook his head against my shoulder. Removing the hoodie had exposed his arms but I saw only minor abrasions that were likely from tree limbs and bushes that he’d run past as he’d been trying to escape me.
“Tell me what you need, sweetheart,” I said, putting my mouth as close to his ear as I could.
He didn’t answer me. Just as I’d given up on the hope that he would, he slowly shifted in my hold. “Don’t… don’t say it again, Lincoln,” he responded as he put both his hands on my face.
In all honesty, I was completely lost. “Don’t say what?”
“That I’m strong.”
I opened my mouth to tell him there was no fucking way I was going to do that, but he cut me off with a kiss. Despite my mouth being open when he captured my lips with his, he imitated the kiss I’d given him in the woods. I could feel the plea in his touch; I could taste it.
Just like I could taste the salt of his tears.
“Please, Lincoln,” Theo whispered, his mouth just millimeters from mine.
I nodded because I knew I had no choice. I wanted to give him what he needed, and for whatever reason, he needed to not hear that word in relation to himself and who he was.
Theo reached up to turn off all the showerheads except the rain shower one, which made it easier to hear each other. His hand came back down to clasp my cheek so that he was once again holding my face.
“I think you are the most amazing, beautiful, sweet, kind, intelligent man I’ve ever met,” Theo began. His right finger ran back and forth over my cheekbone. He was staring at it like he was lost in thought. I remained silent because I instinctively knew this would be a pivotal moment in our relationship.
“What you did for your brother was the most selfless act and I wish I could have been there with you…foryou. Please don’t think for one second that the way I acted when I ran had anything to do with what you told me. It breaks my heart to know what you and especially Rabbit went through, but I think it’s like he said—he’ll always be with you.”
I hadn’t been expecting his words to be about me, so it was hard for me to hang on to my composure. Theo seemed to know what I was going through because he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “He’d be so proud of you, Lincoln. Heisproud of you.”
I could feel the backs of my eyes stinging again but I knew I didn’t have any tears left in me, so I just wrapped myself around Theo and held on to him. I had my head pressed against his chest, which left him slightly taller than me. He used that fact to his advantage and ran his fingers through my hair repeatedly, stopping only long enough to press the occasional kiss to my forehead.
When the water temperature began to slowly drop, I straightened, putting Theo and myself back at eye level. “Tell me what you need,” I said again.
I could see in his eyes that he knew I’d accepted his request to not call him strong again, but I had to give himsomething.
He held my gaze for a long time before saying, “I’m leaving in a couple of weeks. I haven’t told Ford yet and I don’t plan to until it’s closer to that day because I know he’ll try to stop me.”
I fully expected him to ask me to help him keep that secret and keep a low profile until he left, but he surprised me again when he said, “I know you won’t tell him I’m leaving just like I know you won’t try to stop me. What I need is for you to help me remember the two weeks so I can take them with me. I don’t want to hide in this house that whole time. I’ve lived in the city for so long, I just want to…”
Since he seemed at a loss for words, I supplied them for him. “Breathe again.”
Theo’s smile helped dull the knowledge that I only had fourteen more days with him. Even though my plan had always been to move on after making sure Walter’s family was equipped to take care of him themselves, the idea of Theo not staying in Pelican Bay just felt wrong.
“Yeah, breathe again,” he repeated. “I’d like to go see my old house and I want to go to the library to see if I can get a temporary library card. I… I miss reading.”
“I have a card,” I said. “I prefer books to television.”
Theo smiled yet again and it felt like I’d won the fucking lottery. “And more of this… I want more of this,” he murmured as his eyes softened.
“What? Sitting fully clothed in the shower?” I asked.
He laughed and gave me a light shove.
Yeah, he fucking laughed. I was in heaven.
