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Moreover, why hadn’t I just proceeded with my plan to leave the house after giving everyone enough time to retire to their rooms? Dealing with my arm could have waited until I’d gotten far away from the too-observant male nurse who hadn’t been part of the plan.
Plan? What plan, Theo?
I almost laughed out loud because it was sad but true. Any plans I’d previously had went up in smoke when I’d returned to my shitty apartment after a quick run to the corner store only to find a huge padlock on my door along with an eviction notice; one of many that I’d pretended not to see the few times I’d needed to leave my apartment.
My so-called planning had left me standing on the curb outside my building with only a small duffel bag containing the few clothes and personal items I’d managed to collect after bribing the building manager with fifty bucks to let me back into my apartment long enough to gather some of my things. Even now, I wanted to cry over the loss of my books. They’d been the only thing of true value to me, and yet I’d had to leave every single one behind because there’d been no room in my bag for something as foolish as a temporary escape from my life when I’d needed to make an actual one.
I refused to let any more tears fall… especially useless tears that were a result of mere emotion. I’d only cried in the bathroom before Lincoln had found me because I’d banged my arm as I’d been trying to deal with a dizzy spell. Tears of pain weren’t ideal, either, but at least they served a purpose.
Though in this case, thewrongpurpose.
I most certainly hadn’t planned for them to bring a quasi-knight-in-shining-armor—no, boxer shorts—to my rescue.
The reminder that I was still pressed up against Lincoln’s very warm chest had me pulling back enough to put some space between us. His fingers were still holding my chin, but I could have easily escaped his grip.
I couldn’t say the same about his pretty eyes, though.
They had me completely ensnared.
For all the wrong reasons.
As muddled as my mind was, I still couldn’t get past how sinfully beautiful the man was. With his sun-kissed hair that fell in soft curls to nearly his shoulders and intense blue eyes, he looked like he belonged on a surfboard riding a huge wave in an ocean that was his to command.
“Theo,” I heard him say. I saw his lips move but there was a weird delay, so I couldn’t even really be sure that he’d spoken my name. I was probably just hearing an echo of when he’d said my name earlier in the day.
At the time, I’d had this image of what it would be like to have the larger man’s body covering mine as he spoke the two little syllables that made up my name. I’d pictured him gripping my face and looking at me like he couldn’t believe I was there with him. I’d been gripping him just as hard with just as much disbelief, though my fingers had been digging into his back while I’d opened my legs even wider so our lower bodies would be mashed together—
“Theo,” Lincoln said again, though his tone was more of a command than the plea it had been in my dream. I was effectively yanked from my poorly timed walk down imagination lane. Unfortunately, my brain and mouth weren’t working in tandem.
“Dolphins,” I murmured as a wave of exhaustion washed over me. I missed Lincoln’s warmth. The icy chills that had been racking my too-hot body all night returned with a vengeance. “Surfboard,” I mumbled. “Surfboard with a wave and dolphins.”
Lincoln let out some kind of sound that made his chest rumble. I pretended he was laughing. He probably had a great laugh. I was dimly aware of the fact that knowing that his chest had rumbled meant I’d probably sought out the comfort of his upper body once again.
“Theo,” I heard him say again, but I couldn’t tell if he was mad or sad or anything in between. I barely had enough sense to remember what he wanted from me.
“You,” I said tiredly and without any further hesitation. “I pick you,” I added even as the darkness of sleep began to claim me. As the pain began to fade away into nothingness, I tried to remind myself that I couldn’t put myself completely into Lincoln’s hands, but my traitorous mind focused on the only thing that finally seemed to be true for the first time in a very long time.
I’m okay.
* * *
Have you let His light shine through, Theodore?
Light and dark warred with one another as my brain tried to process the answer… therightanswer. Before the word could leave my lips, pain ripped through my body like a thousand little knives were slicing open my skin.
“Goddamn it, Theo, open your eyes!”
The vicious swear along with hard fingers digging into my skin had me coming back to reality with such force that my stomach instantly rebelled and I began retching. My insides cramped painfully as the involuntary spasms continued.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’ll be over soon. I’ve got you.”
The endless dry heaving had tears streaming down my cheeks and by the time it was all over, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. It was like my body was at war with itself and I could only watch from the sidelines.
“That’s it, deep breaths,” I heard that familiar voice say—the one that was already burned into my mind along with so many others. But this voice wasn’t impatient, disgusted, or disappointed.
It will be if he learns the truth…
“Lincoln,” I managed to choke out. There was no reason to say his name, but I needed to test my voice somehow and my fucked-up brain had apparently decided the man’s name was the way to do that.
