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There was a loud thump and then the shelves holding the books in the last aisle rattled slightly. Like something had been thrown against them.
Or someone.
I turned into the aisle just as Arthur used his body to pin Theo’s against the shelves.
“Those moans you make… I come so fucking hard—”
I slammed my fist into the fucker’s jaw before he could say anything else. I pulled Theo behind me at the same time in case the piece-of-shit librarian tried anything else, but the coward was sniveling on the floor.
“You broke my nose,” Arthur whined.
“I’ll break a lot more if you go near him again.” I knelt down enough to get in Arthur’s now bloody face. “In fact, I think it’s time you retire, you piece of shit,” I snarled. “Actually, why don’t you seriously consider putting this town in your fucking rearview mirror for a while,” I added before hitting the asshole again for good measure.
I turned to make sure Theo was okay, but I wasn’t the least bit surprised to see only empty space.
I easily caught up to him in the parking lot. Since it was both Sunday and dinnertime, there was no one around, so I didn’t have to worry about onlookers.
Theo was clearly on autopilot as he sought his escape because the direction he was walking in led to the waterfront and nothing more.
“So if you break your promise, does that mean I get to break mine?” I called. As badly as I wanted to force Theo to stop, I knew that putting my hands on him right now would only make him more desperate to get away.
Theo kept walking. His arms were wrapped protectively around his body and he was hunched in on himself. It was painful to see him revert to the behavior that had all but disappeared as his confidence had grown over the past couple of weeks.
“Because I’m never going to break my last promise to you, Theo. I’m never going to stop chasing you.”
He came to an abrupt stop.
“We get to have our happily ever after,” I reminded him. “No one gets to take that from us.Nothinggets to take that.”
Theo didn’t move. He didn’t respond in any kind of meaningful way, but I knew he was hearing every word I said.
“I never told you what happened after Rabbit took his last breath,” I said loudly. “And you never asked. You’re smart, Theo. I know you heard all the things Ididn’tsay when I told you about that last day.”
I began walking toward him. My footsteps sounded heavy even to my own ears. “Ask me, Theo. Ask me what I did after Rabbit died.”
“I know what you did,” Theo responded.
“Does it change how you feel about me?” I asked. “Does knowing I shot myself up with what was left of my little brother’s morphine so I wouldn’t have to live with what I’d done to him change how you feel about me? Do you love me even a little bit less?”
Theo shook his head. “No,” he said firmly.
“Then why do you get to play by different rules?” I was a few feet behind him, but I knew I’d gone as far as I could. “Why am I supposed to love you any less than I did five minutes ago?” I let out a harsh laugh. “Fuck, it’s not evenwhyanymore. It’show, Theo. Tell mehowI’m supposed to love you less becauseIsure as shit have no idea how to do that.”
“He wasn’t my boyfriend—”
“I don’t care,” I interrupted. “You asked me to give you time to make peace with yourself before you told me the rest of your secrets. A minute, an hour, a day… take a fucking lifetime if that’s what you need to forgive yourself. My love doesn’t come with a timer or a compass or conditions. Go anywhere you want, be anyone you want to be, put on any fucking mask you want. You can’t make mestoploving you just like I can’t make youkeeploving me. Love isn’t a choice for me. It never will be.”
I wasn’t surprised when Theo didn’t respond. Desperation left me feeling even more raw and exposed than I had after I’d listened to my brother take his last breath. What if I’d gotten this all wrong? What if his feelings for me weren’t what I thought? What if he’d mixed up some kind of white knight syndrome with love and he’d finally come to realize it?
His continued silence fed into my growing self-doubt. I shook my head as I was forced to accept that maybe he was trying to tell me something without saying it. “Theo, if you want me to stop—”
“Don’t,” Theo whispered, his voice almost harsh as he finally turned around. He shook his head and wiped his face. “Don’t stop, Lincoln. Please, just don’t ever stop. Okay?”
* * *
“What happened after you used the morphine on yourself?” Theo asked softly. We hadn’t spoken much since I’d responded to his plea for me to never stop with one simple word.
Okay.
