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Logan’s eyes are so wide I can see the whites all the way around his pale, icy blue irises. When my knees give out, he drops my wrists and yanks me against him, spinning me so my back is against his chest and wrapping his arms around me tightly. It’s a move he’s showed me before, and one that I should be able to break free from.
Is this another test?
I don’t know. And I’m so lost in the looming darkness of my panic that I can barely see straight, let alone think right. All I know is that I have to keep going. If I quit pushing, if I quit trying even for a moment, everything could come crashing down. I could lose these men. I could lose any one of them, everything I love, no matter what I do.
No matter how hard I fight.
“Riley,” Logan says, his arms like a steel cage around me as I struggle, kicking and scratching and panicking so hard I can barely breathe. “Riley. What do you need? Tell me. What is this?”
“I don’t… I don’t know,” I gasp. I can’t put it into words. It’s bigger than me. It’s terrifying and overwhelming and too fucking much. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
He crushes me against him, stilling my movements a bit as he holds me tight. “Breathe with me. Tell me what you need.”
I stare blindly ahead, my vision blurred from tears. Nothing seems real, except for the feel of his chest, rising and falling behind me. His steady breaths slowly force mine into a matching rhythm until I finally start to feel just a little calmer, a little more in control.
No, I’m not in control.He’sin control.
I can’t move. I can’t break free.And I don’t want to.
This is exactly what I need.
“Please,” I whisper, the realization rolling through me. “Please. Don’t let me go.”
“I won’t,” he promises, his hot breath playing over the sensitive skin under my ear. “I’ll do anything you need, wildcat. Always.”
I shudder, sagging back against him as the choking, crushing pressure I’ve been under releases its hold on me all at once, his dark, determined, relentless brand of love driving it away.
Not that he’s ever said that word… but he doesn’t need to. I know how he feels, andthisis what I need. I need to just completely let go for a moment, but nowhere is safe to do that right now.
Nowhere but here. Nowhere but with him.
“Take control,” I whisper, twisting around to look up at him. “Let me be yours right now. Let me belong to you. Takeallthe control, Logan.”
He stares down at me. “Is that what you need?”
“Yes,” I breathe the word out like a prayer. “I need you to fuck me like you own me. Fuck me like I have no choice. Fuck me like it’s all real.Makeit real.”
It’s the one thing that’s missing when he trains me. I always know he’ll let me go in the end.
Deep down, I know he’ll let me get away from him.
And I don’t fucking want to.
33
RILEY
Logan staresat me so long that it feels like I really will drown in his blue eyes. He holds himself utterly still, but I know him now. It’s what he does when he’s the most intensely focused. When he’s restraining everything I want him to unleash. The darkness in him is hungry for this, just like I am, and the only thing keeping me from spiraling into a full-blown panic attack is the unbreakable restraint of his arms around me.
But I need more. I need him to be my tether right now, and I let him hear every bit of that desperation in my voice as I beg for it.
“Please,” I gasp, my breathing ragged as the dark place within me threatens to suck me under.
“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice strained.
“I am. I need you.”
He brings a hand up to wrap around my throat, holding my head in place as he keeps it turned to look at him. I can feel the tension in his muscles, his entire body pressed against mine. “Everythingis real between us,” he says deliberately, not letting me look away. “You’re mine, wildcat. I won’t ever give you up, and I’ll never let you get away. You belong to me.”
