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“Shit, wait, don’t do that!” I squeal, grabbing onto them and rocking over to one side.
He grabs them again, pulling me back into an upright position. “I think you might need a little practice just sitting before you can get out on the road. How about you scoot back, and I’ll take over?”
I move a few inches back before he climbs on in front of me, pushing me back until I fit into the groove of the seat behind him. It’s not a full seat, and I have to lean forward for fear of slipping off, but I actually feel safer now that Savva has taken over.
“You wanted to go to the store for a few things, right?” he asks, flicking up the kickstand.
“On this? I thought we could take my car,” I reply, fear causing me to squeeze his waist so hard that he has to pry me off like a baby monkey.
“You relax and hold on normally. You’re not going to go flying off. Just lean when I lean, and don’t hold your breath.”
The motorcycle starts with a loud growl, and the air smells of exhaust fumes. When I was younger, I loved the smell of gasoline so much that I would sniff the air violently when my mom was filling up the car. I’m pretty sure that’s what made me stupid enough to get onto a motorcycle with a Bratva boss.
Finally, a bit of sense returns to me, and I squeeze Savva. “Don’t we need helmets?”
“Not if I don’t crash,” he replies.
We jerk forward, and I scream, clutching him tighter even though we’re only moving at a few miles per hour. It feels fast when the road is right beneath your feet. I try closing my eyes but that only makes it worse as we speed up.
“Just relax,” Savva shouts over the wind as Smoke, Steel, & Whiskey shrinks behind us.
Relax? How the hell can I relax when we’re barreling down the road on two wheels and no protective gear? I’m pretty sure this is exactly how Angus died. Am I not a fool for doing the same? What would my mother think?
But the terror quickly turns into a satisfying sort of thrill as I remember that Savva does this daily, and that he’s still in one piece. The likelihood that this is my last day on God’s green earth is slim to none. I should enjoy the moment instead of freaking out and closing myself off to the experience.
My fearful grip turns into a hug, and I dare myself to pull my head away from Savva’s back and look around at the open road. It’s a new experience for me getting to see all around me without anything in the way. I feel like a bird flying low to the ground, cruising through the air without any obstacles.
“You alright back there?” Savva calls over his shoulder.
“Yes,” I shout back. “It’s not so bad.”
He laughs. “You should try to enjoy yourself. Some people live for this.”
“Do you?”
“I haven’t driven a car in years, so I guess you could say that. Sure. But I live for a lot of things – money, freedom, beautiful women…”
“Just one,” I correct him.
“You’re right. Just one.”
I press my head into his back again as the wind rushes through my hair. It feels good to be this free while not being in control of anything. I was never the type to let a man take command of anything, but maybe I just hadn’t found the right man yet.
Now, I’m afraid that I might have found him, for better or worse.
We ride the rest of the way to the store, accompanied only by the fresh morning air and the hot Nevada wind. It wakes me up more than the coffee did, and by the time we arrive, I feel like I have more energy than I did for the entire week.
But that’s only until I try to get off with Savva and my knees buckle.
Savva catches me, his eyes gentle and concerned as he looks over my shaky body. “I guess it can be a little overwhelming the first time,” he says.
The butterflies that I’ve been trying so hard to kill off flutter in my stomach, and my legs get even weaker. “Oh, I’m fine. Really,” I say, but I still need a moment to compose myself.
He waits patiently for me to be able to walk again, and I try to be quick, I really do, but my legs are so weak that even when we finally walk into the store, my legs are wobbling and I’m clutching his sleeve to keep balance. He probably thinks I’m so dramatic.
Oh well, at least I can say I did it. I was brave enough to ride with him, even if he had to trick me into doing it.
The store we’ve found is a small one, stocked with an array of fruit from the previous day’s market, and plenty of water and canned goods. We’re only here for the lemons and limes, but I grab a few other things that I think we’ll be able to carry.
