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“You’re fine,” I say, feeling like he won’t be satisfied with my answer, but that’s all I have for him.
“Fine,” he repeats with a little chuckle. “I think it was more than fine for you when you were clawing at my back.”
“Ouch. Did I do that?” I ask, feeling a wave of embarrassment.
“A little bit, yeah, but I appreciate your enthusiasm. I can tell you needed it just as much as I did,” he says.
“Well, nobody brought my vibrator here, so I’ve been dying of horniness,” I admit.
“That can’t be the only reason.”
“It’s one of them.”
He lays his arm over me, the weight pressing me deep into the mattress. I feel safe like that, as though the world outside of our bedroom doesn’t exist. I wish it could be like this forever, but I know morning will come and take it away from me.
It always does. True peace doesn’t come until you’re dead.
“What about your family?” I ask, thinking about how my mom passed. Does Danya have a family too, or did something happen to them?
“All gone,” he says, pursing his lips at what appears to be painful memories. “There was a hit that took out my dad and sister. My mom died when we were a lot younger.”
“A hit?” I ask, wondering if he means a car crash.
“I was there when it happened. The bullets hit the car like a hailstorm and took both my dad and my sister. I managed to make it out alive, but sometimes I wish I hadn’t.” He pauses for a moment. “Maybe I shouldn’t say that. I’m fortunate to be here with you.”
“I know what you mean, though,” I say, squeezing his arm and snuggling closer. “But who would do something like that? I’m sure the police found them afterward, right?”
“The police are useless,” he says, his voice so bitter that I can taste it. “Don’t ever rely on them for anything. They’ll let you down and then probably beat you to death for asking for help. As for the shooters, I took care of them later.”
“Took care of them?” I ask, my stomach dropping.
He makes a motion across his neck with his thumb.
“You killed them?”
“It is what it is.”
“But you really did that? What was all that about? I mean, why did they shoot at you in the first place?” I ask, drawn into his story but horrified at the same time.
He raises his eyebrows, perhaps considering how deep into this he should go. “Our family has enemies. You tend to attract them when you’re making major deals with people who operate outside of the law. Everyone once a slice of the pie, but you go and take the entire thing, and people get angry. That’s what happened, and that’s why my car is armored now.”
“Outside of the law,” I say softly, clinging to those words because they have the most significance. “So, you associated with criminals, and they attacked you.”
He laughs. “I am the criminal, sweet girl.”
My body stiffens, and everything I knew was true but didn’t want to admit to myself comes flooding into my brain. I married a criminal, a man who has seen people die and may have even killed a few himself.
Was this all a mistake? Did my father know who he was giving me to?
Would he even care?
“I know it’s probably not what you’re used to, but I will do my best to keep you separated from my business. There are some things I might need from you, but this will come later when you’ve settled in,” Danya assures me, as though it makes this any better.
I hold his arm tighter, realizing he’s both the monster in my nightmares and the savior in my dreams.
How can I be afraid of a man and fall for him at the same time? It’s all so terribly confusing.
13
