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She rolls her eyes. “I’m not that bad.”
“No, you’re not. You’re an incredible woman and I’m lucky to be married to you,” I say.
She smiles, tucking her chin into her chest. “That makes this easier. I just wanted to tell you that… I don’t know how to say it.”
My heart flutters, and I already know what she wants to tell me. I don’t know how to respond, but I know what it is. “Just say what you feel. I won’t ever judge you for that.”
She nods, pursing her lips and trying to collect the courage necessary to admit something important to me. “I just wanted you to know that I really like you. I would even say that I love you.”
Even though I expected this, the words hit me like a sledgehammer. My thoughts are knocked into chaos, bouncing around in my head at speeds impossible to control. I open my mouth, but it’s too dry to say anything. I can’t even make a sound with my throat because it’s closed up.
I swallow, trying to get a grip on my body and mind.
“I know it’s a lot. You don’t have to feel the same,” Taylor says, tripping over her words as I fail to give an adequate response.
“No,” I blurt, grabbing her hand. “I mean, I do feel the same. I love you, Taylor.”
“You do?” she asks, her eyes searching mine for the truth.
“I’ve spoken no lies,” I assure her. “I’ve just never had anyone tell that to me. You know, when you grow up in the kind of family I had, nobody is willing to admit that they love you. It’s a sign of weakness.”
“My father never said it either, but my mother used to tell me every day,” she says.
“Well, we can be like your mother. I think I’d like to do that. I want you to know how much I care about you, and how you make me feel. I’ve never experienced anything like it, and I can’t find a better word for it than love.”
The sides of her mouth curl up in the biggest smile, her eyes sparkling with tears as she pulls me into a hug. I hold her like that for several minutes before she’s willing to let go.
25
Taylor
Itell myself it could be a number of things, but there’s only one that sits on that red velvet throne of worry in my mind. Stress, trauma, the movement of the ocean, or the swirling emotions upon admitting that I had fallen in love with Danya could make me feel this way…
But the real reason is probably none of those.
Had I felt this way just a few days earlier, I would’ve been able to get a pregnancy test from a pharmacy near the house, but in Antarctica, there are no pharmacies. I’ll probably have to wait until we get back home.
And that can’t bethatlong, right?
I tug on Danya’s sleeve as he lays what few belongings we brought into our new room at the settlement. He turns to me, raising an eyebrow.
“How long are we going to be here?” I ask, trying to sound more curious than desperate.
“A few months, probably,” he replies flatly.
“Months?”
“Right. I don’t want you back at the house in Russia until we’ve eliminated the terrorist group, The Red Council, for good. That means sending out special teams to hunt them down and eradicate them, something I should’ve done before I even considered taking control of the uranium mine,” he explains.
It makes sense, but I hate the answer because it’s going to prevent me from getting the care that I need. I could tell Danya that I might be pregnant, but I don’t want to stress him out further when I don’t know for sure.
There has got to be some way to get a pregnancy test here.
“You don’t look happy about it, but it’s for the best,” Danya says, offering a sympathetic smile.
“I just don’t have any women around, you know? It’s just a bunch of men,” I say, digging for information without revealing my motive.
“Oh, there are actually women arriving at the settlement this week. The engineers are coming on Tuesday, I believe, and they’re a diverse bunch. Probably not the type of women you’re used to hanging out with in America, but it’s not like there won’t be any at all.”
