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I think about my mother’s expected reaction to the news of a surprise grandchild. For me to become pregnant under such dubious circumstances, especially in my junior year of college, will confuse and disappoint her beyond my comprehension.
I just need this all to be over.
Thirty seconds left.
I close my eyes and breathe deep, sending myself to a mental paradise where I’ll spend my last moments of true freedom.
Perhaps this was inevitable. I was born to fail, and I’m succeeding admirably.
25
Ruslan
Iwake up sideways on the couch, disturbed by the sun’s rays as they shine directly into my eyes.
It’s only eleven AM, though it feels like I’ve been asleep for years.
Vera has been wandering throughout the house on her own a lot lately, but she tends to stay close to me as I disappear into my own head. The fact that I can’t see her or hear her anywhere is concerning to me.
Despite what Yan would say, I’m not concerned that she’ll try to escape. She knows she’s allowed to leave whenever she wants to, and she’s had plenty of time to speak up in the last two weeks.
If she doesn’t come back though, I’ll have something to worry about.
The morning feels disjointed and unproductive now that I’ve started struggling with exhaustion. I’ve been working tenaciously to keep myself sharp, but my ego has won once again. Forgetting to eat and sleep won’t bring Misha back, and frying my brain by overworking it won’t bring me any closer to bringing his killer to justice.
I’m transfixed by the water outside, watching the waves crash over the rocks along the bay as I attempt to gather my bearings again. It’s been almost two weeks since Misha’s death, and we haven’t gotten any leads at all. It’s too soon for me to start feeling hopeless, but goddamn, it’s hard not to.
Just as I’m about to get up to smoke my last cigarette, my phone starts to ring.
It’s Yan.
My heart drops into my stomach before it begins to pound erratically. Did he find something? Was he able to locate Johan?
“Hey,” I say as I answer the phone. “I just woke up.”
“They found someone, Ruslan. The cops were able to get the plate numbers off the getaway car once they enhanced the footage. It took longer than we’d hoped it would, but we might actually have a name now.”
This is all I could have wanted right now. Even if the person who got caught isn’t the one who orchestrated my brother’s death, I know how to make them tell me who did. These guys are cowards, and if I pretend to give them amnesty for the murder, they’ll give up their boss in seconds.
“Who is it?” I ask, pacing anxiously around the kitchen like a dog with rabies.
“They haven’t released the name yet, but they’re holding him in custody. His bond has been set, but I doubt there’s anyone who would pay to get him out. Whoever sent him on this suicide mission is done with him,” Yan replies.
“Wait. If his bond has been set, couldn’t we pay to get him out and force him to tell us who sent him?” I say, feeling the last embers of hope being reignited in my chest. “That’s something we could do as long as we send someone anonymous to pay the bond.”
Yan hesitates for a moment, and I’m prepared to hear him chew me out for being irresponsible and impulsive. “I hadn’t considered that, but I trust your judgment. Who should we send?” he asks, his typically neutral tone peppered with rare optimism.
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you make that choice, just give me a minute to wire you the money. How much do you need?”
“Ten thousand. Pretty low for someone who is being accused of murder and likely has priors, but that isn’t our problem. The police have practically given him over to us,” he replies.
I never could have expected that things would start to work out for me this way. I hate that this is something to feel relieved about in the first place, but the only thing I can do now is take what I’ve been given.
“Ten thousand? That’s it?” I ask, my bittersweet tone matching the feeling that’s settled into my chest.
That’s all my brother’s killer is worth to them?
At such a low amount, I’m shocked that nobody else has appeared from the shadows to pay his bond and keep him out of jail. Whoever hired him must really,reallynot give a shit, and that gives me an even better understanding of the person behind the attack.
