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Yan nods in agreement. “I understand that much. Are you going to look for someone else? It’s been a long time for you, at least before Vera.”
The idea of moving on to someone else feels like a punch in the gut. I never wanted anyone the way I want Vera, and trying to replace her would be a disservice to myself and the woman who would take her place.
Am I doomed to be alone forever because of this?
My stomach twists up in a knot. “I can’t do that. I can’t even think about that right now. The idea makes me sick.”
Yan can sense when he’s pushing my boundaries, so he finally lets up for a while as the road stretches out in front of us.
But now that he’s brought it up, all I can think about is the emptiness of a life without Vera.
It feels so pathetic for me to be dwelling on her like this. I knew her for only two weeks, but she quickly took up so much space in my heart that her absence feels like a punishment. It’s as if I’m being taught a poorly timed lesson about letting go, and it might be too much for me to bear on my own.
Yan speaks up again, probably sensing my negativity. “I have information about the man who was arrested for Misha’s murder, by the way.”
By the way?
“Why didn’t you say anything before? I thought you were going to tell me everything as the information came to you,” I reply, feeling betrayed.
“I thought so too, but then I knew you’d be obsessing about it. You needed the time to rest. It would have been a disservice to you if I gave it to you all at once.”
I’m not sure if I have the right to be upset with him, so I choose to let my resentment go. He’s been in my position before, and I wouldn’t have kept him in my life all this time if I didn’t think he knew what he was doing.
But how much time have we lost because of this?
“Alright, tell me what you’ve got then,” I say. I know it’s no use to argue with him.
“His name is Rhett. He was arrested as the murderer, but he swears he was just hired as the driver. He’s willing to cooperate with us and might even give up the person who hired him, but we need to make sure we don’t make him feel like we’re going to kill him. We’ll get a hell of a lot further if he believes he has a way out.”
I can’t imagine how difficult it will be for me to look Rhett in the eyes without immediately grabbing him and snapping his neck. Even if he didn’t fire the weapon, he was instrumental in leading me here to my brother’s secret funeral in Virginia.
“Where are you keeping him?” I ask, trying not to sound too eager and failing miserably.
“The safehouse. The same place where you brought Vera. We’ll move him for the interrogation,” Yan replies with some hesitation in his voice.
“You didn’t need to say it like that,” I reply.
“I felt like I needed to prepare you.”
I’m surrounded by emotions and thoughts that I can’t suppress and don’t have time to work through before I confront this person. I’m the most broken I’ve ever been in my entire life.
28
Ruslan
Ipull up to the abandoned building in the industrial park, my heart racing as I think about what's to come. Yan is sitting next to me, silent as always, but I can tell he's just as tense as I am.
I knew Yan wouldn’t put me in a position where I felt undermined, but there’s something about facing one of Misha’s attackers that rattles me.
Retaliating is a part of the bratva life, and it’s something you have to be willing to do in order to maintain your presence as a respected authority figure. I’ve taken out my anger and hostility on plenty of rivals who deserved it, and I hoped that this would be no different.
But right now, I can already tell I’m going to have trouble separating myself from the context of this interrogation.
Intimidating people has always been fun for me, especially toward those who throw their weight around and expect to never be caught for it.
Knowing that this man thought he had a good reason to help kill Misha will cloud my judgment.
I thought that at this point in my life, I could keep my head clear no matter what I was being faced with.
