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I'm standing by the water, watching Ruslan as he stares out into the river. I know he's thinking about Yan, and I want to be there for him however I can, even if my contribution is small.
I walk over to him and slip my hand into his. He doesn't say anything, but he entwines his fingers with mine in response.
“I miss him,” Ruslan finally says, breaking the silence between us.
“I know,” I reply softly, “It’s okay to miss him.”
Ruslan nods, and I can see the sadness running deep through the lines in his face. “He taught me everything I know about being the leader of the Bratva, and about being a good man. Without him, I wouldn't be here today. He and Misha were all I had growing up, and now they’re both gone.”
I feel a lump forming in my throat, and I can't help but feel the weight of Ruslan's loss. Yan had been such an important figure in his life, and now he would have to navigate life without his guidance.
“But you'll continue their legacy,” I say, trying to offer some comfort. “You'll be the leader Yan taught you to be, and the father Misha would want you to be.”
Ruslan gives me a sad, bittersweet smile, “I hope so. It's just hard to imagine doing this without him. He always had my back, even when things got tough. He was a fucking bear, but he was the most reliable friend I could ever ask for.”
I take a step closer to him, “I'll have your back too, Ruslan. You don't have to do this alone.”
He turns to me, his eyes shining with emotion, “I know, and I'm grateful for you. You've been my rock through all of this.”
We stand there for a few moments longer, watching the water flow by. I can tell Ruslan is lost in thought, and I don't want to interrupt him.
But then he speaks up again.
“I want to make sure Yan is remembered,” he says, “I want to honor him.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, intrigued.
“I think I want to create a food bank,” he says. “There are so many families in the community who struggle, even though rich assholes like the people at your school like to pretend that there aren’t. Yan’s support was the only reason I ever ate when I was a kid because our father spent all our money on alcohol. I want to honor Yan's memory by doing something that will truly help people the way he helped us.”
I can feel my heart swelling with pride as I listen to Ruslan talk about his vision. This is the man I love, the man who is willing to put aside his own ambitions and desires in order to help others. “I think it's a wonderful idea,” I say, my voice soft with emotion. “Yan would be proud.”
Ruslan smiles at me, his eyes warm. “I hope so,” he says. “I just want to make sure that his memory lives on in something meaningful. I’ve spent so much of my life chasing money and fucking people over. Now that I have you and this baby, my perspective has changed a lot.”
I could scream with joy at this revelation. Knowing that Ruslan wants to help people because of my impact in his life fills me with a sense of purpose that I’ve never known before. I’ve saved his life once, and now I’ve been able to direct him toward something beyond money and power.
“I’ll do whatever I can to make that a reality. I might not have many connections or anything, but I’ll support you however I can,” I say, leaning into him and kissing his shoulder.
He kisses my head. “Just having you here is all the support I’ll ever need.”
34
Vera
Ruslan and I lay behind the barn, looking up at the stars. The night is dark and calm, and we both feel a sense of serenity after the burial.
“What are you going to do now?” I ask him.
“I'll schedule a meeting with the ammunition dealer and continue with my original plan. I may have lost a hell of a lot along the way, but I have not lost sight of my business. In fact, I've gained something far more important, something I was missing,” he says.
“Love,” I reply, turning to him and resting my head on his chest.
“Love and trust. Without both, there's no way for me to be fulfilled in this life. That’s obvious to me now. But I believe things will continue to improve from here, and I have all the hope in the world that your presence in my life will help make me into a better person,” he says.
I take a deep breath, struggling to muster the courage to tell him what's been weighing heavily on my mind since our conversation at my apartment.
“I've decided to drop out of college,” I say.
He looks at me, surprised. “Why?”
