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“Yes, you do. But you’ve not been using them since the pregnancy. Not the insomnia pills or the antidepressants. Your nightmares have noticeably toned down, too. You didn’t have one during the past week and your pills remain untouched. So how is it noticeable to the OB-GYN that you’re developing depression?”
Damn it.
I knew he observed everything, but I didn’t realize he was that attuned to me, even to my nightmares.
“I told her I’m feeling confined,” I blurt.
He pauses, seeming to be genuinely concerned as he lets my hand fall on his lap but doesn’t release it. “You are?”
I scoff. “I’m trapped inside four walls twenty-four-seven with nothing to do. What do you think?”
“You take walks in the garden.”
“You make me do it.”
“To help your circulation.”
“Whatever. It still doesn’t count as entertainment.”
“You can read.”
I scrunch my nose. “No, thanks.”
His lips twitch in a small smile. It’s not the first time he’s suggested I read. He mentioned that it helped getting him through his childhood, but I told him that not all of us are born to be bookworms. Now he smiles whenever the subject is brought up again.
I don’t want to get caught up in one of his rare smiles that appears once in a blue moon, but I do. Whenever he shows this side of himself, the slightly carefree and relaxed side, I stop and stare, letting my mind wander to what our relationship would’ve been like if we were a normal couple. If our first meeting hadn’t been when he killed someone in cold blood, and if he hadn’t forced me to marry him before announcing ever so cruelly that my only worth is his child that’s growing in my womb.
But we’re not a normal couple. We never were and never will be.
“What do you want to do, Lenochka?”
I perk up at his question and the use of my nickname. It means he’s letting some of his guard down, and I don’t take it for granted when Adrian asks me what I want.
So I soften my voice because any stubbornness or high range in it will have the absolute opposite effect on him. “I want to go out.”
“We’re currently out.”
“Not like this. I want to be out in the open.”
“Why?”
“To breathe properly.”
I realize my mistake when his eyes darken. I just implied that I don’t breathe in his company or his house, and while that’s somewhat true, I don’t want him to get angry and close off any negotiation.
“I mean outside air,” I recover quickly. “I want to breathe outside air.”
“Security hazard. No.”
My heart plummets, but I keep my compliant tone as I implore, “I’ll be careful.”
“It doesn’t matter how careful you are. If someone wants to get to me, they’d do it through you since you’re the easiest and weakest spot they can hit. Being my wife has already set you as a target, Lia.”
His words slice me open, cutting me in half. I thought he would never hurt me worse than the day in Sergei’s office, but he just dug the rusty knife in deeper.
So I’m his weakest spot now.
My lips tremble, but I set them in a line, even as what remains of my heart bleeds. “I need to do some activities or I’ll lose it. Your precious baby won’t be able to be born if his mother is fucking nuts.”
