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When he nods, I release him with a shove. He catches his breath, massaging his neck as he stares at me. “If you send me to the Spetsnaz, Lia will be sad.”
“Shut up, Yan,” Kolya scolds.
I tilt my head to the side. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I’m the only one she opens up to…after you, of course.”
I narrow my eyes on him.
“I’m just being there for her. Don’t take it away, Boss. I promise to never touch her.”
“That’s because if you do, I’ll break your hand.”
“I need my hand, so I’d never do it unless absolutely necessary.”
“And don’t smile at her.”
“That would be impossible. I’m not you, Boss. I can’t stop myself from smiling when she does it…” he trails off when I glare at him. “But I willtry.”
“Your future depends on how you behave.”
He grumbles a response, and I turn my attention away from him. I should probably call it a day, put Jeremy to sleep, and have Lia all to myself.
I believe that with time, she’ll forget about the idea of leaving.
Sooner or later, she’ll realize that her place is with me and our son.
34
Lia
Four years later
Life has never been the same after that night.
I was right. I lost a part of Adrian.
At first, I wanted to fix it, to tell him that it wasn’t him I hated, it was what he stood for. That me and my baby’s survival came before whatever feelings I’d developed for him.
But my pride forbid me from it. He spent weeks avoiding me, not even eating with me until his anger lessened and he came back to my side.
Our sex life is still as crazy as when we first started out. He still whips, spanks, and ties me up to the bedpost. He still takes me roughly and puts my pleasure first. But there isn’t that slightly mischievous tone or dirty talk anymore. He just gives us both what we need, then usually spends the night working.
He’s stopped hugging me to sleep when I turn away from him. Once, I was so starved for his affection that I turned around and pretended to snuggle into him during my sleep. He didn’t hug me back. But he didn’t push me away either, so whenever I feel like I’ll burst, I do that.
Adrian still has the best aftercare and goes out of his way to make sure I’m comfortable, but it’s more mechanical now. It used to feel as if he enjoyed taking care of me; however, now, it feels like a duty.
My form of rebellion is muffling my voice. When I did that before Jeremy’s birth, Adrian used to demand hearing it. He used to whip me and bring me to the brink of orgasms so I’d say something. Now, he seems content with my being mute.
We hardly talk, and when we do, it’s usually about Jeremy. My little angel has become the only reason I wake up every morning.
Okay. That’s a lie.
A small part of me, the part that never fell out of love with Adrian, still hopes that today will be better, today Adrian will trust me.
But I wouldn’t trust me if I were him. He knows I want to leave, and even though I haven’t attempted to escape again for fear of his wrath, Adrian isn’t an idiot. He’s well aware that if I get the chance, I’ll leave.
He stopped me from going to those charity events for months, probably thinking I’d leave, anyway. When I started having nightmares and falling back into a depressive hole a few months later, I told him I wanted to go out, and surprisingly, he didn’t fight me on it.
