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Adrian
Something’s changed.
Lia hasn’t been the same since the assassination attempt a few weeks ago at Mikhail’s birthday party.
I knew I shouldn’t have taken her there. Not only is she uncomfortable at the brotherhood’s banquets, but I’m also on edge every minute, seeing everyone as a threat and stopping myself from whisking her out of there.
Not to mention that I’m constantly seeing red whenever a man looks at her, let alone talks to her.
But it’s different this time.
She often has this dazed expression, where she’s staring at nothing, exactly as I found her the day of the attack. Yan said he fetched her from the bathroom. She was pale and had tears in her eyes, but she didn’t say a word. Not to him or to me on the way home.
I thought she was in a state of shock, but it hasn’t seemed to go away. Instances where I hear her voice are becoming few and far between. Lia isn’t just muting herself during sex. She’s doing it all the time.
She only speaks to Jeremy now, and I have to sneak in behind everyone’s back like a thief in my own fucking house to hear her.
But sometimes, even with Jeremy, she goes into a daze. He calls her name and when she doesn’t reply, he comes to me crying because his mom isn’t talking to him.
She doesn’t even realize when that happens.
After she’s out of her trance, she hugs him and tells him she’s sorry and that it won’t happen again.
But it does happen again and again. Her confused state has been recurring enough that I’m worried. Not only about her, but also about Jeremy. He’s young and attached to her, and if she keeps zoning out in his presence, he’ll take it as a rejection and it’ll traumatize him.
I’ll have to gradually get him away from her until she gets back to normal. While I hate separating them, it’s for his own good. I know what childhood fucking trauma is and my son will not relive my life. I can at least protect him like my father was unable to.
“Papa!” Jeremy barges through the kitchen, where I’m having a glass of water, his small feet slapping against the floor in his urgency.
It’s ten in the evening and way past his bedtime. He must’ve snuck out of his room to get to the master bedroom. I often find him curled into Lia’s side, as if he wants to make up for the time she closes off from him and the world.
However, she doesn’t hug him back. Lia returns to sleeping in her corpse-like position, her entire body stiff and endless nightmares plaguing her peace.
I catch Jeremy and lift him in my arms when he slams against my leg. When I look into his tear-soaked eyes, my gut squeezes. “What is it, Malysh?”
“M-Mommy…help… Mommy…”
“What happened?” I’m already heading up the stairs and to the bedroom. Jeremy is sniffling, his fingers trembling as he wraps his arms around my neck in a tight hug.
My feet come to a halt in the doorway as the scene unfolds in front of me. Lia thrashes in her sleep, fingers digging into the mattress and foam forming on either side of her mouth.
Fuck.
I put Jeremy down and try to speak softly, “Stay here, Malysh.”
He nods, sniffling.
I eat up the distance to the bed in a few strides and sit on the mattress. While Lia’s nightmares have returned with a vengeance, it’s the first time they’ve been this violent.
I grab her shoulders, shaking her. “Wake up, Lia.”
She gurgles, more foam covering her fair skin and her face turning blue.
She’s not breathing.
“Lia!” My voice rises as I shake her harsher this time. “Wake up! Come on, open your eyes, Lenochka.”
She gulps in a deep intake of air as she startles awake, her eyes open but glazed over. Then she starts weeping like a small child, the sound haunted and guttural as her fingers dig into my forearm. “Mom… I want Mom…”
