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Turns out I haven’t.
Even as Winter, he came back to me. He treated me like I mattered.
He kissed me.
He sat down and smiled at me.
I want that Adrian, not the closed off monster he becomes when he’s enraged. Or worse, when he thinks I’ve cheated on him. He saw Luca kissing me, so my case isn’t looking so good, but I want to fight.
For him.
For us.
For the relationship we’ve never properly had.
“I remember… I know I’m not Winter and that I’m Lia. I know you must’ve kept an eye on me the entire time I thought I was homeless and that you eventually brought me home.”
Adrian studies me intently, his inquisitive gaze piercing through me, tearing me apart to reach the very marrow of my bones.
If I expected any joy or relief, I get nothing. A muscle works in his jaw and he pulls his fist back so that he can slam it against the wall again. I flinch, but it’s more out of worry at the thought of him hurting his knuckles.
“Apparently, the first thing you did upon remembering was to meet your lover.”
“No, no…” I hold onto his hand, needing the closeness. “I know how it looked from your perspective, but that wasn’t the case.”
“You obviously planned to meet him, Lia.”
“It’s because I saw Winter in the guest house and thought I had no place in your life. That’s why I wanted to leave.”
I realize how wrong my words are the moment they’re out.
“You wanted to leave,” Adrian repeats slowly, menacingly.
“I don’t want to anymore. I swear.”
He lets his hand fall from the wall just so he can grab me by the chin using two fingers. They’re rough, meant to punish and hurt, but the only thing I’m focused on is the blood marring his busted knuckles.
Before I can reach for them or try to soothe them, Adrian tilts my head back with a tight grip. “You might have forgotten a few things, so let me remind you, Lia. You are my wife. Fuckingmine. That means you don’t protect another man in my damn presence. No matter how much you try to shield him, I’ll find the bastard and kill him. Then, I’ll keep my promise and fuck you in his blood.”
I see it then. The closing off. The simmering anger that will eventually cool into indifference.
That’s what happened before. He was so angry that he refused to touch me for fear he’d hurt me and then he drew away.
I was stupid enough to let it happen in the past. And by doing that, I ultimately hurt myself. I gave up all control to my demons and let them dictate my fate and my life.
That won’t be the case anymore.
Even if my insides are shriveling at the thought of being rejected, even if my mind is still swimming with a million gloomy scenarios, I know one thing for certain.
I need to keep Adrian.
I have to stop him from closing himself off to me.
And the only way to do that is to use the methods he did when he wanted me with him.
Before my nerves get the better of me, I lower myself on my knees.
This time, I’ll be the one who gives.
