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Brendan parks in the alley behind the bar and then walks me to my place.
“I thought you might like to sleep in your own bed tonight.”
“I would, but I would like you lying next to me.”
“All right. But I want you to sleep. Nothing else.”
“Brendan, I’m so exhausted right now, I can’t even think about anything else.”
My eyes open to the sun streaming through my window. We get over three hundred days of sunshine per year in Colorado. This year we had a little bit of snow in mid-October, but so far that’s it. The weather reverted to an Indian summer, and I’m enjoying it immensely.
I reach toward Brendan, but—
I sit up in bed. “Brendan?”
He walks into the bedroom. “I’m here. Just making some coffee. You want some breakfast?”
Do I? After everything that went on, how can I possibly eat?
“Do I even have anything in the refrigerator?”
“A few eggs. And of course some bread.” He smiles.
“Eggs and toast. Sounds good. I’ll make it.” I pull my covers back.
“No, baby. You stay right there. I’ll make it.”
I rise from bed anyway and pad toward the bathroom. “I’m not the kind of person to stay in bed, even after the kind of night we had. I’m sorry to put you through that, Brendan.”
“Sweetheart, you didn’t put me through anything. I am here for you, no matter what happens. Anyone in your situation would’ve reacted the same way.”
“Yeah, true. But I know it won’t happen again. Dr. Tonaki doesn’t have to worry about me. That was my first and last panic attack.”
“I hope you’re right.” He smiles. “I’ll get breakfast ready.”
After I go to the bathroom, I throw my robe on and walk to the kitchen.
On the table…
The card…
The tower…
The tower has been my whole problem since I drew the damned card.
I pick it up, replace it in the deck, shuffle. Then I wrap the deck in my grandmother’s scarf and place it back in the wooden box.
I wait then. I wait for the sensation of relief that I’m expecting once the card is gone.
It doesn’t come.
I inhale deeply. Let it go. Just let it all go.
Perhaps my father had a point, stoned though he was. Maybe I need to let it go. The tower doesn’t have to take me over. So I didn’t feel a sense of relief. I’ll let it go anyway.
Brendan brings me a plate of eggs and toast and a cup of coffee. “So you finally put it away.”
“Yeah. I think that card was my whole problem, Brendan.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Not the fact that I drew it but the fact that I couldn’t put it away. That I let it consume me. It doesn’t have to consume me.”
“Absolutely,” he says. “It does not have to consume you. Nothing has to consume you. Except me, of course.” He gives me a corny wink.
“I think maybe it’s time to draw another card. After breakfast.”
“Yeah. Maybe you should draw one for both of us.”
“I’d be happy to. What time do you need to get over to the bar?”
“By noon. It’s ten thirty now.”
“Okay.” I sigh. “The whole town is probably talking about my father. And about me.”
“They’re not talking about you, baby. I made sure I got you out of the bar without anyone seeing.”
“How in the world did you accomplish that?”
“I’m Houdini.” He winks again.
“Seriously…”
“There’s another staircase from my apartment that leads to the storeroom. It comes to the back of my closet. It used to be boarded up, but when I had my apartment redone, I told the contractor to make it accessible. Now I know why.”
“To sneak your girlfriend out when she’s having a panic attack?”
“I just thought it might come in handy, and it did. No one saw us leave. And once we got to the hospital, I texted Laney to let her know I wouldn’t be back in for the rest of the night.”
“You’re something else, Brendan Murphy.”
“Like I said… Houdini.”
I take a bite of eggs, and I’m surprised at how good they taste. I ate surprisingly little of that beautiful Greek dinner that Aunt Marjorie prepared, and I didn’t get any of my baklava. No one did, as my father had his attack before dessert was served. Did Aunt Jade and Aunt Marjorie serve the dessert after that? Probably not. So we have a giant cake and baklava for two hundred sitting at Aunt Jade’s house.
Oh, well. Food never goes to waste when the Steels are around.
I finish my breakfast, Brendan finishes his, and then I take a sip of my coffee.
“Brendan?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you mind if I didn’t draw a card for you and me?”
“Why would I mind?”
“I think I need to draw a card for my father. A three-card spread. Maybe it will give me some insight into what’s going on, why he had such a bad panic attack.”
