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I stopped pacing, looking at my door.
I want to see her.
We needed to talk about what almost happened, but...I didn’t have the strength.
I couldn’t get my cock under control and the rip-roaring lust between us was making everything so fucking dangerous.
I needed to tell her parents.
I needed to figure out how to march up to Jack and tell them...
Tell them what, exactly?
That I’ve been fingering their daughter for months? That I’ve had my tongue inside her? That she undoes me in ways no one else ever has, and she’s mine now, not theirs?
How the hell was I supposed to say she now belonged to an illegal immigrant who had nothing to his name, no prospects, and no way of keeping her safe? In their eyes, I was taking their daughter from them for no valid reason whatsoever. I could just imagine myself confessing that I couldn’t live without her. That I needed her.
Those reasons just made me sound so fucking selfish.
Even if Jack believed I was truly in love with Neri, and it wasn’t a silly teenage fling, he’d still believe I had ulterior motives. Still harbour suspicions, even if he didn’t say them out loud. He’d never look at me the same way again, and all that trust he’d given me would be ruined because, in his eyes, I let lust drive me into fucking the only girl available to me. I’d chosen the easy way by choosing Neri because I literally couldn’t choose anyone else.
He’d throw all my own fears into my face because why wouldn’t he think that? Why would he believe me that Neri was always meant to be mine? Why would he believe in fate—when I’d been fighting that same fate all along.
It’d taken me five years to admit that I was hers.
He’d be expected to accept it in five minutes.
And he’d most likely only see the obviousness: I’d pursued the only girl I could in this country, purely to get laid without being caught. Neri had proven she was good at keeping my status a secret. What was one more secret compared to that?
He’d think I’d strung her along to fuck her, and it fucking sucked that I felt that scorn myself. That even though I knew how Neri truly felt about me. That I trusted what we had was real, it didn’t stop my nightmares from whispering filth inside my head that I’d taken advantage of convenience.
He’ll hate me.
Grabbing fistfuls of my hair, I yanked. Hard.
Sitting heavily on my bed, I bit my bottom lip and forced my mind to stop spiralling. If it took me all night to come up with a reasonable way to tell Jack why I’d broken my promise and touched his daughter, then so be it.
I’d find a way for him to see—
Show him...don’t tell him.
I froze, my thoughts colliding.
My fear of his reaction came from him thinking I defiled his daughter, when every touch affirmed that I was hers in every way. I was a slave to her every desire and wish. A protector to her every terror and tragedy. A partner to her every hope and dream.
If he could see how much I cared. If he knew how much I would always fucking care, then he’d have no choice but to see past my shame and forget any concept that I’d stolen her for selfish reasons.
Propose.
I could propose to her, right in front of her parents. I could show them how much I loved their daughter, show them how much she owned me, body and soul, and let a ring speak far louder than words ever could.
But you can’t marry her...not really. Not here.
My shoulders deflated, and I wedged my elbows on my knees, cradling my head. By showing Jack and Anna the depth of how deeply I needed Neri, I put them all in a terrible situation. In a declaration of love, I’d be binding Neri’s fate to mine, ensuring she’d be the one interrogated for harbouring a refugee if I was ever caught. She’d be the one dragged through paperwork and fines and...fuck, I can’t do that.
I could never take more from the Taylors than I already had.
My heart cracked and fissured down the middle.
So...where does that leave me then?
An awful whisper wriggled through my head. A whisper I wanted to tear into shreds before it could say...
Leave.
I groaned and pressed my knuckles against my eyes.
If I was honourable—if I wanted to do right by Neri...I would stop putting her in harm’s way and—
“Aslan?”
My head shot up. Black stars exploded over my eyes from pressing my knuckles so hard into them. “Neri. What...?” I shook my head, willing my vision to settle. “What are you doing in here? I thought we said—”
“I told Mum and Dad that I wanted to practice my breathwork in the pool. I have water withdrawals.” She wrinkled her nose. “They’ve been overprotective of me tonight after someone, not saying who, but someone said I had a tummy upset and that’s why I stayed in the bathroom most of the day on The Fluke.”
