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“Yeah, I think he was surprised that I didn’t pilfer something like I usually do. Probably wanted to reward my good behaviour.”
“I think he was gutted that you didn’t steal a gift, actually. It’s practically a tradition that you’ll swipe at least one before dinner.”
Neri shrugged half-heartedly. “I’m almost eighteen. Little too old for gifts.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
She scowled. “Keep your voice down.”
“He asked me earlier if you were okay,” I murmured quietly.
“He did?” She paused with her pen hovering over a moon-gleaming dolphin. “What did he say?”
“He said he’s sensed you’ve been off ever since you went to Zara’s. He asked me if I knew anything.”
She turned into a glacier, her eyes ice chips. “What did you say?”
“Nothing of course. I vowed to you that I wouldn’t tell. It’s not my place.”
“Do you think he suspects?”
“I think he’s just sad that you’re not your usual self.” I finished my beer and leaned forward, whispering in her ear, “I’m sad you’re not your usual self. I wish...I wish—” Grief grabbed me around the throat.
Fuck, I couldn’t lose her.
What if I lost her tonight?
What if, by trying to claim her, I lost her for-fucking-ever?
A moan escaped me, and I dropped my forehead to her flower-printed shoulder. “Neri, I—”
“Who’s ready for dessert before dinner?” Anna laughed, leaping through the sliders with a platter full of handmade éclairs.
Neri stiffened.
I ripped my head up, shifting my chair a little farther away from her. I couldn’t tame my skittering pulse. I’d been so close to kissing her arm. So, so close to forgetting I couldn’t touch her when every part of me begged to erase the awful, sickening distance between us.
Jack exploded out of the house, landing next to Anna, his hands up and a huge grin on his face. “Me. Me. They’re all for me. Mine.” Snatching the tray from his wife, he dropped his head to the closest éclair, taking a massive bite like a starving animal. He groaned. Loudly. “Hmmm! Soooo good.”
Seemed I wasn’t the only one who’d had a few beers. Only difference was, Jack got silly, and I got depressed.
Anna snickered and wiped away the chocolate and cream smeared on his nose. “What on earth am I going to do with you?”
“Same thing you do every day, my darling.” Jack laughed. “Put up with me and love me even more for my nonsense.”
Anna rolled her eyes.
Neri forced a smile.
And Jack looked at me and froze.
What?
What had I done?
What had he seen?
Slowly, Jack came around the table and sat beside me, placing the platter away from Neri’s diamond painting.
I tracked him the entire way.
I glowered as he reached over and patted my balled hand on the table. “You’re hurting, Aslan.”
It was my turn to freeze.
What the fuck?
How did he know?
How much did he already know about me and Neri—
Licking my lips, I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what you’re—”
“You’re missing your family, mate. I see it as plain as day in your eyes.” He winced and leaned back as Anna sat down and handed out plates for the creamy, flaky desserts. “I always forget that this time of year would be the hardest for you.”
“I’m fine, Jack.”
“It’s okay not to be fine, you know.” He studied me. “I lost my parents when I was fairly young too. Car crash when they were driving down to Sydney. But you already know that. I’ve told you. In fact, you know a lot about us, yet...” He sighed. “We still don’t know a hell of a lot about you.”
I fought my rising temper. “You know everything there is to know about me.”
“From sixteen to twenty-two, yes, I’d say we know you better than anyone. But before that...you’re not exactly an open book.” He smiled sadly. “Do you want to talk about them? Talk about what you and your sister would do on Christmas—”
“We didn’t celebrate.”
“Oh...well, what did you celebrate?”
The rocks were back in my throat, spilling into my heart, creating a landslide that crushed every piece of me. “Let’s just focus on today, okay?”
“You should talk about them, Aslan,” Anna said kindly. “Make them come alive from your memories.”
“My memories already haunt me. I don’t need to give them any more ammunition.”
“But if you just talked about them—”
“I’d have to relive what happened.”
“You could start to heal,” Jack said.
“I am healed. I’m fine.”
Neri huffed but wisely stayed quiet.
Jack and Anna shared a look before Anna murmured, “Melike...that means queen in Turkish, right? That’s so pretty—”
“I-I can’t do this.” I shot to my feet and raked both hands through my hair. “I’m not...eh. I’m not feeling so good.” Stalking from the table, my ears rang as Neri said, “Leave it alone, Mum. You know how he feels about talking about them.”
I didn’t wait to hear Anna’s reply.
I stormed into the house and grabbed another beer, all while the clouds of blackness roiled through me, grumbling with thunder, churning with grief.
