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I looked up from the sudoku workbook I’d found at the pier the other day. I’d tried to hand the rumpled book into whatever management ran the pier, but Jack assured me that it would’ve been forgotten about already, and for the three buck price tag, no one would care if I claimed it for my own.
So I did.
And I’d done almost every puzzle inside, scratching down figures in my sala-bedroom, feeling closer to my dad with every number I placed correctly.
“Of course. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” I swung my legs off my bed and forced myself to smile politely at Anna. “I’m sorry for my behaviour on the boat this afternoon. Accept this as me trying to make amends.”
Anna ran a hand down her silky ruby dress. I’d never seen her so dressed up and wondered what exactly was happening tonight down at Carol and Tim’s. “You honestly don’t have to babysit her. She can come with us. I’m so sorry she pushed you today. I’ve had a chat with her, and she knows better than to use your grief as motivation.”
“It’s fine.” I raked my fingers through my messy hair. “I shouldn’t let her get to me so easily. It’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault. Don’t ever think that.” Giving me a final smile, she said, “We shouldn’t be too late. Neri will be fine as long as she stays in the house, so you might not even see her tonight. But...if she does sneak into the pool, please keep an ear out and just supervise.”
“You have my word.”
“Thank you. The house we’ll be at is about seven doors down on Helmet Street.”
“Got it.” I clutched my sudoku book. “You and Jack have fun.”
“We’ll try. Thanks again.”
I stayed sitting up as she closed the pre-made door that Jack had purchased from a store shelf almost two months ago. The sala got stuffy at night, but I was grateful it had a door. The two windows he’d put in had Perspex instead of glass and slid open for a much-needed breeze, but I wouldn’t have survived without the fan in the corner.
Flicking it on, I reclined on my bed again, opening up the puzzle I was almost finished with.
Memories of playing math games with my cousin came and went. Toward the end of a year in hiding, we were used to packing up in the dead of night and fleeing before we could put the kind-hearted strangers who housed us at risk. We never stayed in one place too long, and my parents ensured whoever welcomed us was well compensated for their generosity. Despite being homeless, the hospitality of my people ensured we never went hungry or without a roof.
Whenever we’d step into a different village, seeking somewhere new to hide, my mother would always whisper angrily that we were putting them at risk. I hadn’t known what we were running from back then. Only that nowhere was safe. It was why we’d taken the risk to return to Istanbul and catch a flight.
The day we flew away, was the day I knew what true terror looked like on my father’s face. He’d sweated and twitched in the city, breathing hard as we checked in, never relaxing until we were in the air.
I’d thought he was insane back then.
But now...now I knew what he was running from, and it was all my fucking fault—
Fuck, stop.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I forced the ghosts to recede, laid the sudoku book on my chest, and closed my eyes.
* * * * *
I woke with a grunt.
My fingers stung from trying to hold onto my sister.
My ears rang with my mother’s screams.
Bolting upright, I rubbed my face and tried to get a hold of my breathing.
Only...
Something splashed.
Water.
Neri.
Shit!
Scrambling out of bed, I ripped open my door and tripped into the garden.
The palm tree and scant flowers hid beneath the dense darkness with thick clouds in the sky, preventing any moonlight. If it wasn’t for the solar lanterns ringing the vegetable patch along the fence, I wouldn’t have made out the shadow on the bottom of the pool.
My heart stopped.
I didn’t think.
Limp-sprinting to the water’s edge, I jumped onto one of the man-made rocks and hurled myself into the pool.
Water crashed over my head.
Everything that I’d been running from crashed with it.
The pressure of the sea as it forced me down.
The churn of bubbles as I fought to swim.
The oppressive silence that wasn’t truly silent as I struggled to survive.
I quaked as I fought instinct to leap for air and arrowed to the bottom instead.
I’d wanted this, hadn’t I?
I’d been desperate for a swim, despite not being ready for it.
But now I was submerged, it felt like drowning, not swimming.
My lungs splintered as I snatched at the shadow beneath me and yanked it into my arms.
