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Chapter Twenty-Nine
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Nerida
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AGE: 17 YRS OLD
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(Sea in German: Meer)
MY LEGS BOUNCED WITH NERVES, MAKING ME fidget on the barstool. For a Thursday night, the Craypot bustled with customers ordering the famous mussel buckets and fresh sourdough bread.
I came here often with friends because the restaurant spilled out into a beer garden where the humid Australian air was kept at bay with freshwater misters and lush potted ferns, and the owner didn’t care we were underage as long as we didn’t drink. The décor with its craypots hanging from the ceiling and the lobster print uniforms gave off a homely vibe.
I wished I was in the beer garden where I could breathe a little easier. But I stayed where I’d told him I would be. At the bar, nursing a rapidly warming Sprite, begging him to appear so I could run.
“Neri?” Joel slipped through the crowd, his light brown hair tussled and bleached from being in the waves most of the day. A few eyes followed him appreciatively. At nineteen years old, Joel was starting to fill out in all the right places, leaving behind the lanky teenage stage and carving muscles into his trim physique.
Giving me a worried look, he pressed a kissed to my lips. “Everything okay? Your text sounded weird.”
I gulped and looked down.
I’d had no one to discuss this upcoming conversation with. My mum and dad weren’t options—as supportive as they were—and there was no way I’d ask Aslan for advice—not after the cold shoulder he’d been giving me for the past year. Ever since I’d turned seventeen, Aslan had withdrawn. I stopped visiting him in his room at night, and he stopped dangling his feet in the pool as I practiced my breathwork.
There was a strain between us that only grew worse, and that was the main reason I was doing this.
I’d tried to avoid doing this.
By doing this, I not only lost Joel, I lost Zara too.
She’d kill me. She’d never speak to me again. She was the reason I’d lasted fourteen months as Joel’s girlfriend.
I loved Zara. I loved her like a sister. I loved hanging out with her and valued her friendship. We’d promised that we’d grow old and grey together, but after tonight...she’d hate me.
I should never have used her brother to get over my feelings for Aslan. I should’ve gone for any number of boys in school. If I had, I could go to my best friend and tell her about this break-up. She would console me, and I could finally confess my feelings for the boy who lived in my garden.
But thanks to my idiocy, tonight she would break up with me forever, all because I broke up with her brother.
“Yeah, sorry, just been one of those days.” I tried to smile, but nerves turned it into a grimace. Smoothing down my baby-blue sundress, I did my best to fight my trembling.
“What’s up?” Joel’s handsome face slipped into genuine concern. His black t-shirt strained as he sucked in a breath. “You’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry.” I hung my head, hating this. Hating myself. “I don’t mean to.”
A slow shadow filled his hazel stare. “What aren’t you saying, Neri?”
My spine stiffened; I fought for strength. “Do you want to go into the beer garden? It won’t be so crowded there.”
I didn’t think I could break up with him at the bar. That would be beyond tacky. If I was going to do it here, surrounded by tourists, I might as well just have texted him.
Joel sat next to me on an empty seat. Swinging my barstool to face his, he planted his hands on my upper thighs and stroked me with his thumbs. “Here is good. Just spit it out and then we can go and get something to eat. Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much lately. You know I’m training for the Rip Curl Cup. You said you understood that I have to chase the best waves and—”
“It’s not that,” I whispered.
If anything, I hadn’t minded the long weeks he’d been away, hunting good sets and sending me snapchats of perfect sunsets on the beaches down the coast.
While he was gone, I could almost pretend that I hadn’t ruined things between Aslan and I.
“What is it then?” He cupped my cheek. “Tell me.”
I leaned into his palm, horribly taking comfort from him.
I’d grown used to how affectionate he was. How he always wrapped his arms around me, even with his family watching. How he’d kiss me for anything and everything. How he’d slip into a trance that made me feel both powerful and cruel whenever he undressed me.
Fourteen months.
And not one part of my heart had fallen for him.
If anything, my traitorous heart had fallen even deeper into Aslan.
And the more Aslan put up walls between us, the more I dreamed of him, cried out for him, desired him.
