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“Ye left me in the dark while I was tryin’ta keep ye safe,” Sully grits through his teeth as he pins me with a glare.
I don’t blame him for being angry. He should be because I didn’t give him all of me. I held back.
“I wanted to keep you safe, Sully. The deeper I got into this, the more I was worried that Patrick would hurt you. There was nothing I could do but follow the rules set out by the agent, in the hope it would keep you out of harm’s way.”
As Sully paces, he clenches his hands into fists at his sides. His knuckles are white as he presses his nails into his palms. I want so much to go to him, to touch him and calm him down, but I know it won’t work. There are waves of panic washing through me, and as I scoot up in the bed, I can’t help but wince as the stitches tug at my skin.
Sully notices and rushes to my side. “Ye need ta sit back. Don’t move until the doctor tells ye it’s okay.”
Even in his anger, in his frustration, he’s caring for me. I should never have lied to him, hid things from him. There’s no doubt in my mind I’ve messed this up, and I know there’s no going back now.
“After everything, I think it’s for the best that I head back to the States. It will give us both some time to consider how we feel about what’s happened. I need to get a flight and go home,” I tell him, and as I say the words, I realize it’s another lie. I’m not really going home, because that’s with Sully now. But if I tell him how I feel while he’s so angry, he’ll never let me go.
“So ye’re just goin’ta walk away?” he challenges me, and I nod.
I can’t find words to explain, to answer him, so all I do is turn my gaze away from his. My chest is tight, and my heart is in my throat as I fight back the tears.
“I don’t think I have a choice, Sully. There are so many things I need to sort out back in White Pass. I have to see Darius and talk to him. I have to decide where my future lies.” All of my confession is done without meeting those dark eyes I’ve come to love. Every part of Sully is mine, and I want so much to be his, but I have to fix the mess I left back home.
“If I was ta come with ye,” Sully says. “I would have ta choose between ye and my brothers. I don’t know how ta do that.” His honesty steals my breath. My chest is aching. I want so much to heal him, to fix what I’ve broken.
“I won’t ever ask you to do that.” My voice breaks when I speak. “I know I was the one who messed up, and it’s a decision I’m going to have to live with. I don’t expect you to choose me, to want me, or to come after me. When I leave, I’m saying goodbye.”
Sully meets my watery gaze, but he doesn’t make a move to come to me. I miss him already. I miss his arms around me, keeping me safe. But I don’t think I could handle it if he did hold me. I’d break down, and I don’t want him to see me like that.
I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m about to shatter in half. And I know it’s going to ruin me when I finally have to walk away from him.
“Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me, Sully. You healed me when I was at my most broken, and I can never change how I feel about you, but I know it is best for me to leave.”
Sully shakes his head, and looks away from me, before moving to the window. Silence hangs heavily between us in the room, and I don’t break it. I can’t. The lump in my throat threatens to choke me when I think about walking away from him, but I can’t stay.
“I have to go and talk to Darius. There are things I need to tie up with him taking over the club,” I whisper, fighting back the tears that are burning my eyes.
Guilt twists in my gut, and I watch his shoulders tense as he stares out at the view from the room.
“Then ye’ll have ta go. Once yer discharged from here, I’ll take ye to the airport.” He sighs, and shaking his head, he makes his way to the door. “I’ll wait on ye.”
As the door shuts behind him, I finally allow the tears to fall. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but there’s no longer a way to stop the pain coursing through me. When the door opens again, I expect it to be him, but instead, it’s the doctor who offers me a gentle smile.
