AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I still press my nose to her neck, breathing her in, relishing the shiver that sends goosebumps down her arms. It’s manipulative and crosses so many lines. I’m well aware how fucking toxic it is, but I just can’t help myself.
“Just let me know when you want more,” I whisper in her ear before walking back to my bedroom.
I leave the door cracked, an open invitation in case she needs me sooner rather than later.
Chapter 33
Sunshine
I ache in ways I didn’t think was possible, arguing that I’m not supposed to feel like trash first thing in the morning until I hit at least thirty. But lifting patients and transferring them from their bed to a wheelchair, to shower chairs is hard on the body.
It doesn’t help that I slept on the couch, giving Ryder the bed in the other room. I’ve never shared a bed with him and didn’t want to change up the routine I tried my best to keep up yesterday when he came home. It’s bad enough he’s moved now twice, three times if counting the time he spent with the other family, in a matter of a couple months. We need to get back to our normal lives as quickly as possible.
“You snore.”
I jolt at the sound of his voice, covering my mouth like he’s creepy enough to be hovering over me, waiting for a kiss I’m not offering.
I turn my head, relieved to see him sitting in the recliner.
“Can’t blame sleeping in a chair this time,” he says, humor in his voice.
I shake my head, finding it impossible to stop the grin from filling my features.
His face grows serious, but I can’t let his mood dictate mine. I’m waking up with my son down the hallway. More than once in my life I’ve mentally told myself nothing could get worse, and I know better now than to challenge the universe. Going without him for a week was horrible.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as I sit up, stretching my arms over my head.
Despite his eyes dropping to my chest, he still doesn’t look exactly impressed with me.
The tips of my breasts don’t care about the look in his eyes. They’re all for the attention he’s giving them, making themselves known by hardening and pressing against my thin sleep shirt.
I drop my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. It’s as if he can read my mind, but then again, if he actually could, I have no doubt he’d run from this house and never look back. My head is such a jumbled mess where he’s concerned, it kept me up half the night. I was so tired, I actually called in sick at three in the morning and turned my alarm off before finally falling asleep.
It probably isn’t the most responsible thing to do, but I just got Ryder back. I’ll be damned if I’m going to get a couple hours with him and then take him right back to daycare this morning.
The same thoughts I struggled through last night, the ones that almost made me go into his room, start all over again.
I told him that I couldn’t have sex with him again because it felt like the right thing to do. It stemmed from regret from sleeping with another man.
I thought I was so head over heels in love with Travis when we were teens, I just knew in my soul that he’d be the only man I’d ever be intimate with. It’s why it was so easy to give him that part of me when I was fifteen. It didn’t matter if it was then or two years later. It belonged to him. I never anticipated being in my current situation.
I think I knew deep down that I’d eventually get back into the dating world, but it was always more of an idea than a reality. I don’t know that I’ve had enough time to grieve the loss of that relationship even though it was over for me long before I left it.
“I don’t think I was cut out for Cerberus,” he says, shocking me. I had no idea that’s where his head is at.
Look at me, sitting over here, thinking he might be a little mad at me for shutting it down last night.
How egotistical can you be, Sunshine?
“Why is that?” I manage. The statement seems like a prompt, and I don’t want to be rude.
“I don’t think the thoughts I’m having about you right now would pass their vetting process.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?” I look up, seeing his eyes sparkle with mischief.
All I can do is swallow.
Another wave of silence fills the room, but his eyes, the way they float over my body, are loud enough that we don’t need to talk.
When his gaze drops back down to my folded arms, I slowly drop them, feeling powerful with the way he looks at me. As quick as I was to pump the brakes last night, I’m not feeling exactly the same way this morning.
