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He was so kind to my son today, and not once did I catch him rolling his eyes or getting frustrated. He wasn’t pretending. He wasn’t playing a part.
“Today was a good day,” I whisper.
“The best,” he says. “Tomorrow will be even better.”
Chapter 36
Bishop
I’m not trampled as much when I wake up alone in bed as I was the first time. I’ve fallen asleep with her in my arms for over a week now, and more times than not, she’s gone when I open my eyes.
Ryder hasn’t been sleeping well. Sunshine told me after the first night she climbed out of our bed and into his that he’s had trouble sleeping since the first DUI incident with Travis. I don’t doubt there were cops around the precinct that had very strong opinions on the type of man Travis is and what tragedies could’ve happened before he was pulled over.
The thing with adults is they don’t realize just how much children hear and how those words can affect them. I would wager a good percentage of them would consider a five-year-old too young to understand fully. Although that may be true, children transform conversations into things they can understand. Ryder is dealing with dog bite nightmares, and that’s how his brain has simplified what has happened to him. Dogs are supposed to be loyal and protective, and the one that hurts him in his sleep has betrayed him.
I made the suggestion of therapy for Ryder, approaching the subject as delicately as I could. I didn’t have a clue how that conversation would go, but I felt like it couldn’t go unsaid. Sunshine told me that it’s part of the court order, and she has tried but the Medicaid and CHIP insurance he has limits where he can go, and those therapists have a backlog. She’s on a waiting list, but she isn’t hopeful she’ll be able to get him in soon.
I relayed this information to Kincaid yesterday, and he’s working to get Ryder in somewhere else. I don’t think since it’s about Ryder that Sunshine will argue about someone else footing the bill for his appointments.
I stretch in the bed, willing my erection to subside. My body acts like it hasn’t been sinking inside of her every night, but I know it’s more of an addiction, as in I’m so fucking satisfied in that way with her that I want more. Thankfully, she’s just as greedy, making it difficult to keep our hands off each other. She confessed she’s both nervous and excited for Ryder to start school in a few days. She’s nervous because it’s going to be a brand-new experience for him and some kids are just assholes, but she confessed that she’s looking forward to not having to be quiet or wait for Ryder to go to sleep before we put our hands on each other.
I piss, splash water on my face, and brush my teeth in the en suite before leaving the room.
I should probably feel guilty when I turn right out of the bedroom toward the other room rather than heading into the kitchen, but I don’t.
I’m amazed by their relationship and how easily they draw me in without awkwardness. Every day I’m proving myself to Ryder, and little by little that skepticism he had that first day is starting to fade away. I’m consistent, slow to anger, and quick to explain the why of things rather than just asserting some type of misplaced control.
Maybe it’s trauma from my own childhood, but I’ve never understood because I said so. Too many times those words were an excuse, a way to hurt or manipulate me.
I press my ear to the closed bedroom door, and I’m met with silence. Before I can pull my head back, I hear Ryder speak.
“I was scared.”
“Was or are?” Sunshine asks. She has so much patience with him.
“Was. I’m not anymore. I like it here.”
“I do, too,” she says.
“I don’t want to go back to our old house.”
I freeze, something barbaric threatening to seep out of me. She has to know that leaving isn’t an option, right? I don’t think I’d go so far as to force her to stay, but honestly, it depends on the situation.
Things have been really good, but maybe it’s a pretense. My heart begins to pound, my brain trying to figure out where I fucked up and what I need to do to fix it.
“Our old house or Gammy’s house?”
“Both.”
“We’re not going back to either of those houses.”
But she has plans for a different house.
“You know Brent is sort of like my boyfriend.”
There’s silence from the room.
The pulse in my ears ratchets up the same way my smile is.
A childish giggle floats into the air.
“Are you okay with that?”
I hold my breath, waiting for the answer. Sunshine loves this kid so much that if he had a problem with me, she’d have a problem with me. He’s her number one priority and I don’t get to be selfish and be upset with that.
