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“But why shouldn’t you have? That’s the thing. I’m just…not like most folks.” My feet wouldn’t stop moving as I paced the living room. Relax, you can do this. It said a lot about how much I trusted Charles that I wasn’t freaking out more over this.
“What do you mean you’re not like most people?”
“With feelings and sex. I’m…” Shit, why couldn’t I just spit it out? I’d never said the words to anyone other than Nadine. “I’m in love with her.”
“Sutton’s mom?” Of course he knew; of course he’d seen it.
“Yeah. And I know that’s wrong. I know it’s a betrayal to my brother, to Sutton, but—”
“You can’t help how you feel. Were the two of you…”
“No! Never.” I didn’t want him to think that about her. “We weren’t havin’ an affair. I just love her, and I can’t seem to get past it. I don’t do it much now, even less than before, but when I try to be with a woman, the equipment don’t always work. And when it does, I just want it to be over. It don’t feel right when they touch me, not the way it’s supposed to.” Not the way it did when I felt Charles’s skin against mine. “I don’t want sex like I’m supposed to.”
It took me a minute to realize I’d stopped moving, that I’d closed my eyes, afraid of what I would see, of the confusion or repulsion in Charles’s gaze.
But then I felt it, felt him close, the electricity popping and snapping against my skin, and that only happened when he was near. Somehow, all that energy did was soothe me.
“Hey…there is no supposed to when it comes to sex. Everyone is different.” When I didn’t open my eyes, didn’t look at him, Charles cupped my cheek. “Is this okay?”
I nodded, forced myself to meet his gaze, and there wasn’t disgust there, no laughter or pity, just understanding.
“Come here,” Charles said, and took me to the couch. I let him lead me, wished he sat closer so our legs would touch. “Maybe you’re asexual.”
“I don’t even know what that is.”
“It’s someone who doesn’t feel sexual desire or attraction.”
“But I did with Nadine. I’m not proud of it, but I wanted to be with her. She’s the only person in my whole life I’ve felt sexual attraction for.” You’re lying. You feel it now…with him.
“Sexuality is a spectrum, Brian. There are a lot of possibilities, and not all of them are black and white. There’s a lot of gray areas. Maybe you’re on the asexual spectrum. Maybe you’re demisexual or gray-ace…” When I cocked a brow at him, he added, “Gray-ace is someone who feels sexual attraction sometimes, but most of the time, they don’t. Demi is someone who only feels sexual attraction after developing a close bond or emotional relationship with another person. That would make sense… She was your best friend, and you were sexually attracted to her.”
“That’s a thing? The demi one?” Hell I hadn’t known either were a thing but right now I was leaning more toward demisexual since my attraction so far was just about two people.
Charles chuckled. “Yeah, here, let me show you.” He pulled his phone out, typed it in to an online search, and handed it over. There, right in front of me was the definition for what Charles had just told me. Demisexual. A weight I’d carried on my chest for as long as I could remember, suddenly started to melt away.
“I…hell, I didn’t know. I thought I was the only one.”
“No. Jesus. There’s nothing wrong with you. Thank you for sharing that with me.” Charles reached up and cupped my face again, then pushed the hair off my forehead before his hand slid down to rest at my nape. I saw the moment he realized what he was doing, sitting there on the couch beside me.
He pulled away, and panic made my heart nearly burst, like he would never touch me again. “No don’t…please…touch my cheek like you were doing.”
He stared at me, questions in his dark gaze before he did, the tips of his fingers dancing against my skin. I closed my eyes, nuzzled into his palm, savored the feel of him and the scent of him, wanting to tattoo him into my skin.
“I like it when you touch me. It makes me feel…don’t know, connected to somethin’. Makes me want more when no one but her has ever made me feel anything.”
Charles sucked in a sharp breath, causing my eyes to jerk open.
“Sorry. Should I not have said that?”
“No, you should have. You really fucking should have. Just trying to figure out how I got so lucky.”
“Because a sad man from a rural town who’s never enjoyed sex once in his life likes you? I ain’t a prize, Charles.”
