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Chapter One
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Ivy
I feel so lonely standing here in the middle of this room watching as different people laugh and chat with one another. I look for Sally, my agent, but I can't find her. She left me to go 'smooze'. I wonder how much longer I am going to have to be here. I love acting; slipping into someone else's life is both challenging and really fun for me but the actual socializing part of being an actress is terrifying. I don't feel like I fit in here with these people or in this world. The sunset is turning the whole room into a brilliant jewel box with the women in different colored dresses the stones. The entire back wall is glass so the light is almost blinding. Who the hell has this much glass in their house anyway? Someone who likes to be seen. Someone completely different from me.
Sally says this is good for my career though so here I am. I've been made up, made over, and made to look like I am some fancy Barbie doll but inside I am screaming at myself that this is not who I am. Inside I'm still a girl from a small town who doesn't even register on these people's radar. In fact, when I did my bio I put the nearest big town to the one I lived in.
I've been in one movie but it’s not out yet. The trailers for it will start next week and then I will be shuffled around to do promo stuff with the rest of the cast. At least, that’s what it sounds like will happen. I'm really not sure. I'm here tonight at someone's house to promote the film. My male lead was supposed to do this sort of thing but he got the flu and Sally said I was the next prettiest thing. Wow, thanks...I think.
A waiter tries to offer me another glass of champagne but I shake my head again. I'm not old enough to drink. I won't be old enough for another two years. I know some people don't care about that but I do. I think I even saw what might have been a nine-year-old drinking some earlier but it could have been a really short woman. I care because I don't want to lose control in a place like this. Once you lose it you never really get it back. The slope is slippery and every foot placement has to be precise or else you're going to end up on one of those 'What Happened To This One Movie Wonder' shows. I don't want to rocket to fame only to go down in a burning heap of ashes. I just want to be successful doing something I love and by successful I mean I can support myself comfortably and not have to live off Ramen for the rest of my life.
I overhear some men standing off to my right. I think they are discussing how big they think my boobs are. I turn and walk the opposite way before one of them can work up enough liquid courage to ask me. The last thing I want is to be caged in by a whole team of old men wanting to see my big...teeth and telling me to smile about it.
At the moment I walk away the crowd seems to part and I spot him. Weston Marshal. I've had a crush on him for so long it isn't even funny how much I'm fangirling on the inside right now. I went to one of his concerts with my best friend and got a picture with him. I'm grinning like an idiot in it but it’s one of my most favorite pictures ever. And what's not to fangirl over. He's tall and broody and has this whole growly thing going on. He grew up on the streets and made his money by doing what I want to do only with music.
There are so many rumors about him. They say he's difficult to work with in the studio, that he's a perfectionist. They say he burns through women like they are kindling in a forest fire until just recently when he's been even more broody and standoffish. Rumor has it that some girl broke his heart finally and he's not over her. I would so help him heal if he would let me. I mean me and fifty million other women.
Don't even get me started on his voice and his music. His songs speak to me and when he talks about going off and being alone with just him and the girl he’s singing to, I feel like I am that girl in the room. I want to be what he sings about. But who the fuck am I kidding? Me and tons of other women.
I mean I might have agreed to come tonight because there was a rumor he might be one of the guests and I might have made sure I looked my best for him. It's not like he's going to glance at me from across the room and fall madly in love with me. Not this country girl from the sticks. Things like that only happen in movies and Alexa Riley books.
Our eyes meet and I see him run his cool grey-green gaze over my whole body which feels like one big throbbing nerve. His lips cock up into a half-grin before I lose sight of him again. Holy shit steaks! He just sort of grinned at me! That almost smile gives me the courage to go over and talk to him. Even though my heart is pounding in my throat right now and it is taking everything I have to walk across the room.
When I make my way through the crowd to him he is still standing off by himself not really talking to anyone or hanging out with any of the others. I'm so nervous my palms are sweaty but the dress I'm in isn't going to help soak up anything. In fact, it would be my luck he will be able to see the streaks up and down the sides of it where I wiped them. That would be some embarrassing shit. Don't cuss, dear Lord don't drop the 'F' bomb in front of so many people. I tend to have a sailor's mouth so Sally reminds me not to use fuck like it's an adjective.
"Hi, I'm Ivy St. George. I'm an actress. I know you must get this a lot but I am a huge fan of your music." I hold out my hand for him to take but he doesn't, so I put my arm back down. Despite how awkward this is I keep giving him a big grin. I can't believe he is standing next to me. Probably a good thing he didn't take my hand since it is soaked.
"Ivy. I would think they would have you change that name since all I can think of is I.V. drips. Not really sexy actress is it."
Wow! Okay. I feel my face fall a little but I try to recover. "We actually met once before but I'm sure you don't remember. It was at one of your concerts. I have a picture of it on my phone." God, can I sound any more like a pathetic super fan than I do right now? The guy is probably afraid I am stalking him or something. I'm lucky he isn't calling security to have me hauled out of the party.
"Picture guys." I turn and find a man holding a camera. I think he is taking shots of the party for all the agents or something like that. I'm about to step away from West so they can take a picture of him but West throws his arm around my neck and smiles so I smile too. God he smells good. He's so warm. I didn't realize how cold my bare shoulders were until he wrapped his arm around them. As soon as the guy moves on West takes his arm from around me and gives me bored green eyes.
"Look I'm sure you're a nice girl and all but I'm not here for a quick lay just so you can tell people we've been together but there are plenty of other people here for that."
Oh shit! Oh God! Oh fuck, he thinks I'm hitting on him. My cheeks go bright red and I start backing up. I wish a hole would open and swallow me. When I realize what he thinks is happening my whole world screeches to a halt and I am hyper-aware of everything going on now. Now that I've made a complete fool of myself in front of someone I admired and lusted after for the better part of my teen years I just want to get the hell out of here.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you." I can't actually look him in the eyes so I don't know what he thinks of the apology I just gave him.
Before I can turn to leave one of his friends, an actor he hangs around with sometimes comes over to us. "Heeeyyy, look at the new girl." He grabs his junk and I think he's wearing nothing but a robe. "You want to give me a ride baby. Check what I'm packing." He opens his robe and gives me the full monty. I'm so shocked all I can do is put my hand up and turn to get away from this hot mess as fast as I can. I might have actually squeaked before I made my great escape.
What the hell did my agent get me into? I hear Wes call for me but I ignore him and dive back into the crowd. There is no way I am stopping to find out what he wants. There is no way I will ever be able to look at him again. I might not even be able to listen to his music after this without it bringing up the most embarrassing night of my life.
The dress I have on might show some leg and some cleavage but that doesn't mean I want to sleep with anyone. It would be just my luck Wes would suggest a three-way if I had stayed any longer and I don't think I could live with knowing he was like every other pervy mother fucker in here. Or that now that his friend is down to party he'll take me too. Like I'm some fucking second rate toy to be passed around since I have tits and a vagina. I spot Sally and power walk over to her.
"Hi, Sally. Can we go home?" I came with her so...
She turns to me with a smile on her face, her eyes dancing but it doesn't reach her eyes. "What? Of course not! This is what actresses do. They come to parties to meet other famous people so they can talk shop. Now go talk shop."
"No one here wants to talk shop with me. All they're worried about is how big my chest is and how fast they can talk me out of my clothes...," I look down at my tits just to make sure nothing is showing.
"Oh my goodness, were you metoo’ed."
"That's not a verb, Sally, that's a fucking movement." I am full-on frowning now. She seems a little too hopeful that someone might have done something inappropriate with me. "It's time for me to leave."
"So call an Uber. Or find a gentleman here to take you home, honey. And don't cuss! Men like women who look like you and women who look like you don't have raging potty mouths. Besides, I'm working on getting you more roles right now, and remember, if you don't eat I don't eat." I turn before losing my temper any more than I already have. It would do me no good to assault my agent in front of all these witnesses. I'm pretty sure they blackball you for that.
