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“Hello, Christian.”
Her voice was as soft as ever, as musical as it always was, but that didn’t matter. She had called me Christian, and that wasn’t a good sign.
“Have you been sitting here all this time?” I took a tentative step forward. Stopping again before I reached her. “Are you…?” I gulped loudly. Bouncing down onto the balls of my feet, I finally reached for her. As gently as I could, I tilted her chin up and swiped my thumb across her still damp cheeks. “Did I hurt you?”
Something constricted around my heart and lungs, making it hard to breathe.
Taylor shook her head, averting her eyes. Narrowing mine, I inched closer. “I know that I was an ass. I know and–”
“I enjoyed it.”
I froze. “I beg your pardon?”
“When you got all forceful and took me like you did.” It was her turn to swallow hard. Her throat working. “I enjoyed it.” A sob ripped its way out of her throat. “What kind of person does that make me? What kind of woman?” Her words became warbled, almost unintelligible around her crying. “You took me and I didn't want to want it. But–”
“But you did?” I asked softly.
“Yes.”
“And that makes you sad?”
“Yes,” she repeated, turning her head away so my hand fell down onto her lap.
“Why?”
“Because.” She shrugged. “I’m not like that. I’m a good girl. I’mnice.I shouldn’t want you to do all the things you talk about to me. It shouldn’t make me so turned on I could cry when you do. You touch me and I forget who I am. It’s only been a few days and I’m already changing.”
I held my breath.
“I am losing myself around you.”
“You aren’t losing yourself, Taylor.” Catching up both her hands, I kissed each of the fingers in turn. “You are finding yourself. It’s ok to explore that side of you. I took it too far today and…”
I wanted to promise her that I would never do it again, but I didn’t want to lie to her.
“I don’t want to be that person. I want to be the person I was. The one who believes in love and–”
“I wish I could give you that,” I admitted and again my chest constricted.
“It’s ok, but could you hold me tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Of course, but let’s get you cleaned up and out of those clothes.” I stood, holding out my hand for her to take. She didn’t move.
Taylor sat there, her hands in her lap and her eyes on them. The inability to breathe worsened. Something inside my chest seemed to crack open.
“If I was capable of love, Taylor. Then I would be in love with you.” Shaking my head, I forced myself to make the decision. I had always known I would have to make it. I had just greedily been wanting more time with her.
“It’s ok.”
It wasn’t ok. Nothing about this whole situation was ok. “No it’s not.” I closed my eyes. “I wish I could love you, Taylor.”
TAYLOR
“Miss.”
A soft rapping on the door disturbed my dreams. And this time it was accompanied by a voice. A male voice that wasn’t The Judge’s. My eyes flew open and all remnants of sleep evaporated.
“Hello?” Clutching the sheets to my chest, I sat bolt upright as one of the crew stepped into the room. I hadn’t said he could enter, but he didn’t seem to care. His eyes fell on me and then swept around the room.
