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“I know that. You’re one tough lady,” he stated, and had the strangest sensation of his throat closing up.
“And you’re one softie of a guy,Mitchell,” she said with a smile, but damn if he didn’t hear a tightness in her throat.
He still didn’t shake, so she did, giving his hand a firm down-and-up tug.
This is even better,a voice in his mind told him. Make a clean break and get back to Blaze.
“Casey’s going to be sad. I think she wanted to give you another roller derby lesson,” she said, then hunched her shoulders in annoyance. “Wherever that will be. We’re fucking without a rink now.”
He smiled, remembering little Casey.
“Tell her I’ll miss that, too, but I’m sure the team will find something that works,” he said, saddened when she pulled her hand out of his.
“Yeah, maybe when Cavendish gets shut down we’ll skate around the estate,” she murmured, raising an eyebrow at him.
He laughed, then on impulse took the mug from her and set it on the bedside table.
“I’ll miss you,” he murmured, and sank his hands into her hair and pulled her close for a hard kiss.
He wasn’t sure how she’d respond. He thought she might remain passive or even resist. She did neither, thrusting her tongue into his mouth wholeheartedly, her hands echoing his as they slid into his hair then down his neck. The kiss went on longer than he intended. In the end, he had to push himself away, otherwise he was going to crawl into bed with her.
“I’m going to miss you, too,” she said, falling back onto her elbows. Then that familiar sparkle came into her eyes. “But I’ll miss edging especially.”
She laughed and he forced a laugh along with her.
“I bet you will,” he said, not saying out loud that he had the same thought. When she said the word, it brought the memories back in a rush and he knew in that moment that edging would never have the same appeal for him again.
“Ciao,” she murmured as he walked to the door.
He took a last glance at Nita, lying on her side in the soft glow of the light leaking in from the living room.
“Ciao, darlin’,” he said, his voice weary. He knew now he definitely wouldn’t come back to check on her. Seeing her again would rip his gut apart.
38
Nita held her sprawled position on the bed and the smile on her face until she heard the elevator door close. As it hummed and lowered Ryder away from the apartment and her life, she rolled back on the bed and let the tears come.
This is what having my heart ripped out feels like, she thought in wonder. It fuckinghurts.
Somebody once told her a long time ago that the right thing to do is usually the hardest of two choices. They were right.
She opened her eyes to stare blearily at the ceiling.
Nothing else had ever felt like this. Definitely not what she’d thought she felt for Luke. Jesus, that had been a puff of dust compared to this avalanche of… pain. Pain was the only way to describe it.
She rolled back to her side, curling up and let herself wail into the pillow. She let loose all the emotion she’d been holding inside since their last kiss.
He’ll be home with his boy,she told herself once her sobs slowed to hiccuping breaths.
“Blaze,” she said. Her head knew letting Ryder go back to his son was the right decision, she’s just have to let her heart get used to it.
She rolled over and over to the far edge of the bed, wearily setting her feet on the ground.
The other part of this was the realization that she was alone in this feeling. She’d let him go and he hadn’t stopped her. She didn’t doubt he had feelings for her, but not the kind that would prompt him to explore whether a long-distance relationship could work.
“I didn’t suggest it, either,” she admitted to herself as she headed to the bathroom in the early morning cold of the room.
Both of them had said this wasn’t a long-term thing. He’d often told her about doing the job and getting out. So what if they had mind-blowing sex? It hadn’t progressed beyond that for him and the sooner she accepted it, the better off she’d be.
