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“I think,” Garret’s grandmother continued determinedly, “that after watching your mother make so many mistakes and having made one yourself with the baby’s father, you’re afraid to love. You think it won’t last.”
“It usually doesn’t.”
“Is that why you haven’t named the baby yet?”
“Deciding on a name isn’t easy.”
“It isn’t. But Garret mentioned your penchant for trying out names, and after all this time, I can’t help but wonder if you’re afraid to name the baby because it’ll eliminate the distance you’re keeping between you and your daughter.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say!”
“Am I wrong? You claim to want roots and a family, but when the perfect opportunity comes along in Garret and the baby, you back away. If you name your daughter, you’ll feel a mother’s emotions, a mother’s love, and you’re afraid it’ll make you face all the things you still haven’t faced about your mother.”
“I know exactly who my mother is.”
“Yes, you do know. But have you accepted it?”
How could anyone fully accept their mother’s not wanting them? Wouldn’t everyone want that attitude to change? Want a miracle to happen?Reality bites, Darcy. When are you ever going to break those stupid rose-colored glasses?
“You’ve been taught whatnotto do, Darcy. Motherhood makes you vulnerable in ways you’ve never imagined, but it also makes you strong. It binds your hearts and there’s nothing like it, but you have to be open and want to experience it, to feel it. Are you going to let your mother rob you of loving your daughter? Rob you of a man worthy of your love and who loves you?”
Little by little Rosetta’s words sank in. Was she letting that happen? She didn’t intend to, but was she? She could lie to Rosetta until she was blue in the face, but she couldn’t lie to herself. She was letting her fear of messing up overshadow her love, her feelings. Naming the baby…and loving Garret.
“What if I screw it all up?”
Rosetta smiled. “You’ll make mistakes. You’llallmake mistakes. If you let yourself love and forgive, it’ll work out exactly as it’s supposed to.”
She stared down at her baby’s sweet little face, the knot in her stomach growing.
“If you stop running from your past and the fear your mother instilled in you, if you face it, Darcy, you’ll see the love you feel for Garret and your daughter is returned. But to receive it, you must first believe in it yourself.”
Darcy buried her nose into her daughter’s blankets, breathed in her baby smell. “Nana used to say something similar to that.”
Rosetta nodded. “Because it’s true, dear.”
“Why did Garret move out of the house?”
“Why do you think? He wanted a place for you and the baby to come home to when you’re ready.”
“His job?”
“He’s been frustrated working for Harry and was more than ready to quit. And when taking such a fresh step in life, why not go all the way? I’ve heard the office space above the gallery is coming along nicely. He and Toby will make a wonderful team.”
“How do I know it’s real? Two weeks ago Garret couldn’t decide if he wanted me or not—”
“He knew, Darcy. But he had other responsibilities that needed to be taken care of before he could commit to you. He didn’t know how to end things with Joss. He isn’t a mean person, he didn’t want to hurt her. Oh, Darcy,think.You knew where his heart was leading him. It’s quite obvious he isn’t the type of man to be with you if he didn’t care for you, but now that he’s free, you won’t give him the time of day. Do you really think that’s a coincidence?”
She could blame her hormones, her fears of becoming a mother, for her behavior. But the truth was sheachedfrom missing Garret, wanted him in her life. Loved him. The way he smiled, the silly songs he sang. What was shedoing?
A knock sounded at the door. “Rosetta?”
“That’s Toby’s mother. She’s come to pick up the donations for Jocelyn while the boys work on the office.”
Rosetta’s words weighed on her mind. While Rosetta answered the door, Darcy carried the baby back down the hall to her bedroom. She laid the baby in the bassinet, then moved toward her dresser where the doll sat propped against the mirror. She stared down into Miss Potts’s face a long time, memories sliding over her. She’d treasured Miss Potts for so long, but why? Why keep her when she represented everything that was bad in her life? A bad childhood, lack of emotional commitment from her mother.
Ready for a fresh start like Rosetta said, Darcy hurried down the hall to the only box left by the door and put the doll inside. Out with the past, in with the future. She wouldn’t let her fear override the gifts she’d been given. The life she had to lead if only she were brave enough.
Back in the bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed and stared into her daughter’s beautiful face. “Gram’s right,” she whispered, using the name Rosetta insisted the baby would use. “It’s time to stop running. Time to start believing and being the person I want to be. The mommy you need me to be, not my mother’s daughter. I won’t get it right all the time, but…I’ll do my best.” She smoothed her fingertips over her daughter’s downy head. “So, before I go and tell Garret how much I love him and want him, what do you think about Elizabeth? You could go by Elizabeth or Beth, Eliza or Lizzie. Liz. You’d have a lot of options and,” she added, “it’s Gram’s middle name and she’s the best great-grandma you could ever possibly have. Do you like it?”
